A university is just a group of buildings gathered around a library. ~Shelby Foote

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Best NBA Satire Ever!

I don't read a lot at espn.com because most of their stuff is behind their "insider" blocks and I refuse to pay for the same thing I can get at sportsline.com for free. But I do pop over there from time to time, and today I came across this piece, which absolutely skewers some of the horrific moves a number of NBA general managers have made in recent years. Just absolutely DOBA, brilliant stuff (even if it is almost a year old now). And really funny.

Favorite bit:
Simmons: So if you don't want to kill your team with bad drafting, what other recourses are there besides trades?

[NY Knicks GM Isiah] Thomas: Keep changing the roster -- you don't want any semblance of continuity. Once guys get used to playing with one another, they might start winning. Look at the teams that have done well over the last 25 years -- it's always been the teams that built around a nucleus. I even played for one in Detroit. That's why I like to keep mixing things up every six to seven weeks. Why chance it?

[Philadelphia 76'ers GM Billy] King: I'm also a big fan of giving out absurd contracts that tie up your cap space, for three reasons. First, it drives the fans crazy and gets them talking about the team. Second, your fans won't complain that you aren't making any big moves, simply because you can't make any big moves, your lack of cap space prohibits you from getting quality guys unless they have baggage. And third, when people look back and try to put your reign in some sort of historical context, those salary numbers will jump out even more.

Just look at what I've done in Philly: Since we made the 2001 Finals, I gave Mutombo a $68 million extension even though he could have been, like, 48 years old for all we knew. I gave $35.5 million to Aaron McKie. I gave $29 million to Eric Snow. I gave $18 million to Greg Buckner. I gave $40 million to Kenny Thomas and $25 million to Brian Skinner. I gave $25 million to Kyle Korver and $60 million to Sam Dalembert last summer. That's $300 million of contracts to guys who were either on the decline or never that good in the first place. Plus, I traded for other bad contracts, guys like Keith Van Horn, Glenn Robinson, Kevin Ollie, you name it. And then, last February, the pinnacle -- dumping three bad contracts for C-Webb, who everyone thought couldn't be traded because of his contract and because he ran with a limp. Now we have an aging team built around two past-their-prime stars and our cap space is killed through 2008. And we completely wasted Iverson's prime, when he was one of the best players of his generation.

(The crowd applauds.)

King: Thank you. Thank you very much.
Read the whole thing-- even if you don't like the NBA it is funny (though if you never watch and have no idea what the NBA is, it probably won't be terribly amusing).

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Screw that.

Is Favre leaving? Or not? Whither the Pack without 4?

And what about Bret whatshisname down in Madtown? Quite a start. Time to start saying Barry who?

Come on, let's qet quibbling.
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