A university is just a group of buildings gathered around a library. ~Shelby Foote

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

FFL Update: Week 5

Woohoo! For the first time all year I won in both of my leagues on the same weekend. This moved me to 3-2 in my 8-player league, and 2-3 in the WBKL (World's Best Keeper League). But heading in the right direction. It's all about the mo, baybee! Most of my bye weeks are done, my underperformers are starting to get untracked--well, except for T.O., but that's probably to be expected-- and it's not too late to be a factor.

It's deja vue all over again! Last year in the WBKL there were two really good teams who happened to be in the same division, and a couple of crap head divisions. This year, there are two really good teams in one division, only this year it's Troy's Konichiwa, Bitches! as the romping, tyranasaurus of fantasy football death (last year it was me! Sigh), and the craphead division that Troy's team isn't in stinks. Big question for the keeper league, can anybody slow down the punctuationally challenged Konichiwa, Bitches! (for purposes entirely pedantic and petty, I shall not be indulging Troy's excessive use of exclamation marks, but I shall retain the comma)? The best week for a Troy loss is Week Nine, when that fine Irish lad Donovan McNabb has a bye. We shall see.

Rigth. If the playoffs were today:

#1 Seed (and first round bye): Konichiwa, Bitches! 5-0, 450 points
#2 Fearsome Canines, 4-1, 380
#3 stupid team with no name, 4-1, 419
#4 Stench, 4-1, 374
#5 The TONY REALI Experience, 4-1, 359
#6 Ill-Tempered Sea Bass, 3-2, 351
#7 Cheddar Heads, 352

On the outside looking in:
Metal Mayhem, 3-2, 344
Happy Scrappy Hero Pups, 3-2, 336
Ackphblt! 2-3, 348
Mojo's Reapers, 2-3, 327
I Hate Favre, 1-4, 344
Motor City Cheese, 1-4, 315
Muff Divers, 1-4, 292
Fighting Uruk-Hai, 1-4, 292
Cloud's Thunder, 0-5, 321

Game Capsules

McNabb Paces Konichiwa, Bitches!... Again
That fine Irish lad Donovan McNabb sure has been on a tear. For an over-rated player he's pretty good. For the fourth time in five tries, McNabb posted 20+ and Greg Jennings, Bernard Berrian, Robbie Gould (no, really), and the Edge (running back, not guitarist) all kicked in double digit performances as the Wu Tang Chapelles rolled over Mojo's Reapers, 103 to 54. Konichiwa, Bitches! could've doubled up on the scythe wielding ones, but Troy foolishly left the juggernaut that is Hank Basket on the bench while starting that fine Irish lad, Willis McGahee instead. Mojo's crew wasted a good 16 point game by that fine Irish lad, Deuce McAllister (honestly, did anyone realize there were so many black people in Ireland?), as the rest of the team failed to do much of anything at all.

Avert Thine Eyes!
Well, if you must look, then you can see that the Fearsome Canines won a very, very, very ugly match up with the Muff Divers, 50 to 47. Ick. Coach Scotty's puppies would've been pounded by all but three teams this week, but a W is a W, with Eli Manning, Cadillac Williams, and Plaxico Burress doing just enough to cover for the incompetence of DeAngelo Williams, Muhsin Muhammad and the Raiders Defense. The Divers were crippled by the first quarter injury to star wideout Roy Williams, and even Marc Bulger against the Packers wasn't enough to secure victory. With the win, the Fearsome Canines stayed atop the Jelly Division and gave thanks that they are playing with all the other craphead teams in that division, and not in the Peanut Butter Division where teams are actually good.

That Team Wins Again
They have no name, they have no logo, they don't even have any capital letters, but the no-name team keeps winning regardless, this week taking down the Cheddar Heads, 89 to 67. The victory kept nate within sniffing distance of Konichiwa, Bitches! and for the first time ever I think the spending of a high draft pick on a defense may have been justified. nate picked da Bears with the first pick of the 8th round, the first defense off the board, and Chicago is currently the 5th highest scoring "player" in the entire league, averaging nearly 15 points a game. Da Bears, Larry Johnson and the sudden emergence of Cedric Benson were enough to overcome strong games from Fred Taylor and Dominic Rhodes of the Cheddar heads. Caught in the meat grinder that is the Peanut Butter Division, coach Frank finds his team three games out of first after only five weeks. Could be worse-- you could be Cloud's Thunder and be five games out of first after five weeks. Yikes.

Stench Grounds Thunder
Actually, grounds is probably incorrect. To ground something, there must be some electricity to channel harmlessly into the ground. To date, Cloud's Thunder has generated precious little electricity. At any rate, Stench sent Rich's group spiraling to their fifth consecutive loss, 80 to 46, behind balanced scoring and the Philadelphia Eagle's defense (23 points). Cloud's Thunder was lead by Jay Feely's 13 points, and most times when your leading scorer is your field goal kicker you're in trouble. On the plus side for Rich's group, they did score their maximum possible with 46-- the bench scored 1 point... total!-- and their 321 cumulative points for the season is actually better than three other teams.

The TONY REALI Experience and The Happy Scrappy Hero Pups are just too friggin long and I'm just too friggin' lazy to keep typing that much. Hence forth, they shall be known as TTRE and THSHP. Rookie Matt Leinart was the star for TTRE, racking up 16 points in his first professional start, and old geezer Joey Galloway kicked in 15 as TTRE held off THSHP, 70 to 65. THSHP got balanced scoring, but a disappointing 12 points from Peyton Manning and only 5 points from the Ravens' Defense proved THSHP's undoing.

Metal Mayhem Channels Liberace In Victory
First it was ABBA, now the Metal Mayhem are using the awesome creative power of Liberace to focus and channel their aggression. The result? Another victory, this time an easy 80 to 53 thumping of the Ill-tempered Sea Bass. Bedecked in sequined uniforms, the Mayhem got balanced scoring throughout their lineup, while the pale and musically challenged Bass were hampered by goose eggs from Chris Brown and Marcedes Lewis (who?). Having Darrell Jackson and Rudi Johnson on bye probably didn't help Jason's group much, either.

Ackphblt! Cruise to Victory
Behind a solid 17 points from new QB Damon "the Omen" Huard and the split I formation backfield of Tiki Barber, Frank Gore and Lamont Jordan, Ackphblt! got back on the winning side after a three game skid, trouncing the Fighting Uruk-Hail, 80 to 30. The White Hand of Saruman (note to Gwenn/Craig-- the Uruks are not Sauron's troops. And yes, I'm a total geek) was unable to overcome the absence of a Quarterback, despite the use of the classic fight song, Where There's a Whip, There's a Way. (If you get that reference, you are also a total geek).

I Hate Favre Finally Wins
The number of teams yet to record a victory in the WBKL was reduced from 2 to 1, a 200% decrease (it's an inside joke), as I Hate Favre knocked off Motor City Cheese 75 to 57 for their first victory. The Haters were paced by Alex Smith's 16 and Chester Taylor's 15, while the Cheese was greatly hampered by the struggles of star RB Ladainian Tomlinson and the fact that the rest of the team sucks, is on bye, is hurt, or all three. With the victory, and mediocre season point total, I Hate Favre jumped all the way to fifth in the really sucky Jelly Division, leapfrogging the Cheese, Muff Divers and Uruk-Hai.


Two comments - my only reference for "Where there's a Whip, there's a Way" is the song by Faster Pussycat on the Wake Me When It's Over CD, but that can't be what you were referring to.

I'm open to suggestions for musical motivation this week because I'm going to have to pull out all the stops. What's worse, I can't even root against his best player.
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