Libertarian Librarian

For those of you who aren't from 'round these parts: a yooper (phoenetic pronunciation of U.P.er) is a resident of Michigan's Upper Peninsula. Many are of Norwegian descent and hence there is a tendency in that region to talk a bit like the characters in Fargo, donchaknow der hey. What you may also not have heard if you are not from 'round these parts is that the U.P. is starting it's own charter airline out of Escananba, Michigan.

Here's their news release:

ANNOUNCING.... U.P. AIR NOW OPERATING FROM PELLSTON AND ESCANABA AIRPORT YA SHURE, YA BETCHA!

DIS IS DA LATEST AIR SERVICE TO SPROUT UP IN MICHIGAN. ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORT AND SOUT DAKOTA, MINNESODA.

If you are travelin soon, consider U.P. Air, da no-frills airline. You're all in da same boat on U.P. Air, where flyin is a upliftin experience. Dere is no first class on any U.P. Air flight. Meals are potluck. Rows1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert. Basses and tenors, please sit in da rear of da aircraft. Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares are by freewill offering and da plane will not land 'til da budget is met.

Pay attention to your flight attendant, who will acquaint you wit dasafety system aboard our U.P. Air 599: "Okay den, listen up. I'm only gonnasay dis vonce. In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill Captain Elmer Aho, because no maater what FAA wants, we fly all our ruutes right around four tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably mean da Second Coming or someting of dat nature, and I wouldn't bodar with doze liddle masks on da rubber tubes. You're gonna have bigger tings to worry about den dat. Just stuff doze back up in dair little holes. Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest wit you, we're going to have quite a bit of at four tousand feet, sort a like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it. In da event of a water landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying da Lord'sPrayer and just hope you get to da part about forgive us our sins as we forgive doze who sin against us, which some Catolicks people say "trespass against us," which isn't right, but what can you do?"

Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because day may confuse da plane's navigation system, which is seat of da pants all daway. No, it's because cell phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He would have put your mout on da side of your head.

We start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style with da coffee pot up front. Den we'll have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pocket in front of you. Don't take yours wit you when you go or we are going to be real upset and we're not kiddin! After hymns ve vill play a medly on de airplane's ovverhed speakers of champaane musik by Lawerence Velk.

Sounds good to me.

Labels: Entertainment