A university is just a group of buildings gathered around a library. ~Shelby Foote

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Fantasy Football Update, Week Nine

Nine games down, four to go. The Fearsome Canines have a virtual stranglehold on the Stench Ranch Division, but the Horrifying Zubaz Division is wide open, with five of the seven teams above .500. In theory, even the 2-7 Dimestick Cowboys and Barkeeps are alive in the playoff race, but when theory meets practice... well, their race is to escape the Barrel Bowl at this point. Speaking of the Barrel Bowl-- at this point in the season, all four teams are from the Stench Ranch Division. Nice work, boys.

v. 11 #8


Horrifying Zubaz Division
1. Ztumbling Alcoholicz, 6-3, 428.6
2. Metal Mayhem, 6-3, 421.7
3. Hairballz, 5-4, 445.8
4. Motor City Cheezeheadz, 5-4, 434.6
5. Renaizzance Men, 5-4, 397.7
6. Diamond Boyz, 4-5, 416.3
7. Knightz Who Zay Ni, 3-6, 420.3

Stench Ranch Division
1. Fearsome Canines, 8-1, 523.9
2. Centurions, 6-3, 452.5
3. Chocolate Foam, 5-4, 396.1
4. Posts, 3-6, 417.9
5. Snowmobilers, 3-6, 409.5
6. Dimestick Cowboys, 2-7, 367.7
7. Bartenders, 2-7, 327.8

If the playoffs were today…
1. Fearsome Canines, 8-1, 523.9
2. Ztumbling Alcoholicz, 6-3, 428.6
3. Centurions, 6-3, 452.5
4. Metal Mayhem, 6-3, 421.7
5. Hairballz, 5-4, 445.8
6. Motor City Cheezeheadz, 434.6

On the outside looking in:
7. Motor City Cheezeheadz, 5-4, 434.6
7. Knightz Who Zay Ni, 420.3

If the Barrel Bowl were today…
11. Posts, 3-6, 417.9
12. Snowmobilers, 3-6, 409.5
13. Dimestick Cowboys, 2-7, 367.7
14. Bartenders, 2-7, 327.8

On the edge of ignominity...
10. Knightz Who Zay Ni, 3-6, 420.3

If the Terribly Average Bowl were today...
7. Renaizzance Men, 5-4, 397.7
8. Chocolate Foam, 5-4, 396.1
9. Diamond Boyz, 4-5, 416.3
10. Knightz Who Zay Ni, 3-6, 420.3

Stat of the Week I: Feel the pain of GM Tony-- he drafted a weak team, I'll grant you, but there is something not right about BOTH of his starting running backs, Priest Holmes and Thomas Jones, being hurt in the same week his other starting RB, Tatum Bell, has a bye. And, of course, traded Michael Bennett is now a viable starter for somebody else due to injury.

Stat of the Week II: Coach John's Posts won their third game in a row despite starting three players that would've been better off on the bench. His victory was no doubt aided by the fact that he played Coach Tony of the no healthy running backs. Shouldda paid me sooner, dude.

Mid Year Bargains and Busts
The NFL is over half-way, and the FFL season is 3/4 done. To date, the biggest bargains in our league have been (in no particular order):

While the biggest busts have been:

PICKUP ALERT: There are still weekly pickups. Pickups are in inverse order of record with points as the tie-breaker for teams with the same record. You can enter your choices on the web site, or email/call them into me. Please do so before Wednesday, 9:00 PM Central Time. Pickups will continue until the Wed. after the regular season ends.

TRADES: No new trades so far this week. Please note, the trading deadline is kickoff of the week 10 games-- you have less than one week to conclude any trades.

Game Capsules

Fearsome Canines Keep On Rolling
Normally, when your tight end is the second leading scorer on the team you are in trouble. Except when that tight end is Antonio Gates. Another monster (13.2) game from the league's best tight end, plus 15.3 from team mate Ladanian Tomlinson and excellent across the board scoring from the rest of the squad, resulted in a 68.9 to 23.7 pummeling of the Chocolate Foam. The Foam were handicapped by the lack of a quarterback as Ben Roethlisberger was hurt and, for reasons inexplicable to any but a football genius of the likes of Steve Mariucci, Mooch elected to go with Joey Whinerton over Jeff Garcia this week. The Foam were also handicapped by the fact that nobody managed to score in double figures and they were playing the league's best team. Still, despite having the league's 3rd worst point total, the Foam are above .500 and in the playoff mix. As noted earlier, the Canines seem a mortal lock for the #1 seed, even given that this week they will be missing two-thirds of their usual starters.

Alcoholics Stumble, but Hang On to First Place
The Metal Mayhem closed the gap for first place in the Horrifying Zubaz Division, but the Stumbling Alcoholics scored enough in the loss to hang onto the division lead and #2 seed. For now. Larry Johnson's 15.5 keyed the Mayhem's victory, as they overcame still another feeble effort from #1 draft pick Kevin Jones and escaped with a 51.5 to 47.4 victory. With newly acquired stud running back Steven Jackson returning next week, the Mayhem appeared poised to challenge the Alcoholics for division supremacy over the next four weeks. Oh, the Mayhem plus the other three teams in the division that are only one game back of the Alcoholics.

Centurions Continue Relentless Grind Toward the Playoffs
They ground a little leaner than has been their typical output, but the Centurions produced another solid game behind balanced scoring and defeated the banged up and ineffectual Snowmobilers, 48.9 to 33.6. Though the two game, and large point differential, makes claiming the Stench Ranch Division title unlikely, the victory keeps the Centurions on a playoff pace as we head into the home stretch. Injuries and bad luck continue to plaque the Snowmobilers, who now find themselves in the Barrel Bowl after their third straight loss.

Hairballs Win Ugly Over Death Spiraling Dimestick Cowboys
It was a tale of two hubrises (is that a word?) as the formally triumphant, now humble, Hairballs overcame Jamal Lewis' continued uselessness to defeat the still intransigently arrogant Dimestick Cowboys, 45.7 to 37.0. Six weeks ago, the Dimestick Cowboys were 2-1 and leading their division, prompting them to crow mightily about this publication's silliness in predicting them to finish 4-9. Ahhh, C.J. anger not the football gods with your hubris, for they shall surely smite you. Six straight losses later, and the 4-9 finish doesn't seem unlikely at all. The Hairballs, meanwhile, who were once 3-0, only to drop to 3-4 after they, too, crowed mightily about their superiority, have won two in a row since apologizing for their hubris, and now find themselves once more in the playoff picture as the last third of the season draws nigh. Mostly the Update brings this up to note that their prediction of a 4-9 finish for the Cowboys wasn't so bad after all, but also because we really, really like to write the word hubris.

Motor City Cheeseheads 'Bedevil' Renaissance Men
It was never really fair. Matching up 20th century concepts like motors, cities, and cheeseheads against Renaissance conceptions of iron, sharp things and mankinds' abilities is an almost certain rout for modernity. So it goes for old rusty dudes, sometimes. Paced by a monster game (18.9) game from Rueben Droughns and some actual offensive production from Colts' stars Manning and Harrison, the Cheeseheads rolled to a 57.1 to 36.7 victory. The victory moved the Cheeseheads within striking distance of the division title, while the loss, which "featured" no players scoring in double digits, leaves the Reniassance Men wondering if they have enough left in the tank to clank their way into the playoffs.

Diamond Boys Edge the Knights Who Say Ni as Rod Guesses Wrong
The Knights Who Say Ni were riding a modest two game winning streak coming into this week's matchup with the Diamond Boys, but Coach Rod guessed wrong on which of his two Saints running backs would have a good week, and the choice cost him in a tight 42.2 to 44.9 loss to the Diamond Boys. Both teams lost a starting running back to injury, the Knights losing Mewelde Moore, while the Diamond Boys lost Willie Parker, but in the end it was Rod's decision to start Aaron Stecker (4.6) over Antowain Smith (11.7, and no, he isn't dead) that cost his team victory. Coach Frank's team, meanwhile, got yet another good game out of that fine Irish lad, Donovan McNabb (16.4) and just enough from the rest of the team to overcome Parker's exit early in the second quarter.

Posts Cruise to Victory Over Decimated Barkeeps
As is his want, Coach John picked three of his six starters incorrectly this week, but against the injury riddled Barkeeps, it mattered nary a whit. Good games from Lamont Jordan, Reggie Wayne and the suddenly resurgent Tony Gonzalez helped the Posts win their third straight contest, 48.2 to 19.5. Coach Tony also picked three of his starters incorrectly this week, but even if he had gotten his lineup 100% correct, the Barkeeps would have recorded only 36.7 points. But, never fear, Tony! Tatum Bell and Terry Glenn will be back next week! It should be noted that the Posts are 3-0 since paying me for last year. Perhaps it is time for all y'all to pay me for this year? Couldn't hurt.


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