A university is just a group of buildings gathered around a library. ~Shelby Foote

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Fantasy Football Update, Week Eleven

Two games to go and about the only things that are certain are that the Fearsome Canines, despite losing their second game in a row, will win the Electronic Ankle Bracelet Division and that the Barkeeps will be in the Barrel Bowl. The Metal Mayhem are probably in the playoffs-- 8-5 is nearly a guarenteed invite to the dance, but only nearly guarenteed-- and the Dimestick Cowboys are probably in the Barrel Bowl, but neither outcome is absolutely certain.

v. 11 #10


The Tranzport Hood Division
1. Metal Mayhem, 8-3, 523.4
2. Stumbling Alcoholics, 7-4, 522.5
3. Renaissance Men, 7-4, 494.1
4. Hairballs, 6-5, 541.8
5. Motor City Cheeseheads, 5-6, 539.5
6. Diamond Boys, 5-6, 486.1
7. Knights Who Say Ni, 4-7, 503.8

Electronic Ankle Bracelet Division
1. Fearsome Canines, 8-3, 648.8
2. Centurions, 6-5, 537.1
3. Chocolate Foam, 6-5, 470.2
4. Posts, 5-6, 540.6
5. Snowmobilers, 5-6, 509.0
6. Dimestick Cowboys, 3-8, 459.0
7. Bartenders, 2-9, 394.0

If the playoffs were today…
1. Fearsome Canines, 8-3, 648.8
2. Metal Mayhem, 8-3, 523.4
3. Stumbling Alcoholics, 7-4, 522.5
4. Renaissance Men, 7-4, 494.1
5. Hairballs, 6-5, 541.8
6. Posts, 540.6

On the outside looking in:
7. Centurions, 6-5, 537.1
7. Motor City Cheeseheads, 539.5

If the Barrel Bowl were today…
11. Diamond Boys, 5-6, 486.1
12. Knights Who Say Ni, 4-7, 503.8
13. Dimestick Cowboys, 3-8, 459.0
14. Bartenders, 2-9, 394.0

On the edge of ignominity...
10. Snowmobilers, 5-6, 509.0

If the Terribly Average Bowl were today...
7. Chocolate Foam, 6-5, 470.2
8. Posts, 5-6, 540.6
9. Motor City Cheeseheads, 5-6, 539.5
10. Snowmobilers, 5-6, 509.0

Stat of the Week I: The Fearsome Canines have had the second highest point total of the week the last two weeks (58.0 and 66.9)-- and lost both games. Nice offense, Scotty, but you might want to look at that defensive scheme before the playoffs start.

Stat of the Week II: Coach Steve of the Metal Mayhem started four guys that were outplayed by folks he left on the bench, costing 14.7 points. Fortunately for the Mayhem, Steve did start Larry Johnson (21.7) and won despite having 2/3rds of the lineup wrong.

Stat of the Week III: Quick, name the top five scoring quarterbacks in our league (no peeking!). No doubt all of us pictured Tom Brady, Aaron Brooks, Kerry Collins, Carson Palmer and Brett Favre being the top QBs after eleven weeks. Manning is sixth and is on a tear of late, but still he is not a top five QB at this point in the season.

PICKUP ALERT: There are still weekly pickups. Pickups are in inverse order of record with points as the tie-breaker for teams with the same record. You can enter your choices on the web site, or email/call them into me. Please do so before Wednesday, 9:00 PM Central Time. Pickups will continue until the Wed. after the regular season ends.

TRADES: No new trades before the deadline. Trading is now anthema. Violators will be mercilessly mocked and rapidly ridiculed.

Game Capsules

Fearsome Canines Drop Another Heartbreaker
For the second week in a row, the Fearsome Canines put on an impressive offensive display, only to lose to the week's top scoring team. Last week, they lost by 1 yard. This week, the Doggies scored almost nine more points than last, and lost by five points to the surging Posts, 71.9 to 66.9. Despite back to back losses, however, Coach Scottie's group all but locked up a first round bye as both the Centurions and Chocolate Foam also lost this week. With a two game lead, and an virtually insurmountable point edge, the Canines are heading back to the playoffs. Meanwhile the Posts, after starting 0-6, are currenly on a five game win streak and have, for the moment, secured the 6th seed in the post-season. Quite the turnaround-- I think Mike Sherman should give John a call. Couldn't hurt.

Mayhem Benefit From Diamond Boy Brain Fart
For reasons that medical scientists are still puzzled by, every year Coach Frank commits at least one significant brain fart during the regular season. Various hypotheses have been proposed-- the taint of living next to so many Vikings' fans, Intelligent Design, sea monkies-- but we may never know for sure. Regardless, this year's recipient of the Cartwright Brain Fart Bonus is Coach Steve of the Metal Mayhem, as Frank elected to play the non-playing (follow that?) Jonathan Wells over some guy named Julius Jones. But I mean really, why would you want to play your #1 draft pick? I don't. The 10.5 differential was significant as the Mayhem won 44.8 to 36.4, or by 8.4 for Journal/Sentinal readers out there. With the victory, the Mayhem moved into sole possession of the Tranzport Hood Division, while the Diamond Boys faint playoff hopes were all but extinguished.

Stumbling Alcoholics... Err... Stumble
Perhaps they were looking ahead. Perhaps they just expected the Dimestick Cowboys, losers of seven in a row, to just roll over and die. Or maybe they were just blind drunk. Whatever the cause, the Stumbling Alcoholics turned in their worst performance of the year, scoring a meager 35.8, and lost to the death spiraling Cowboys, who got solid performances out of Hasselbeck, Alexander and the retuned Cadillac to post a just good enough 43.2. The loss dropped the stumblin' ones out of first place in the division for the first time since week five, while the Cowboys need to finish a mere 1-1 to reach that four win plateau they scoffed at back in week three.

Renaissance Men Keep the Grail in Sight
They've won some ugly games this year, but through it all, the Renaissance Men have kept the ultimate reward, the Holy Grail in their crosshairs. So to speak. Probably not a lot of crosshairs to be found back in the 16th century. Anyway, the rusty dudes played a solid game when they needed it, rolling behind Aaron Brooks' 20.1 to a 52.0 to 28.6 pasting of the Chocolate Foam. The victory keeps the division title within range for the Ren Men, but Coach Russ better keep his group focused this week against the steamrolling Posts and not looking ahead to a season ending clash with the division leading Mayhem. For the Foam, the loss is a story of opportunity missed. Coach Jim played two guys, Fred Taylor and Joey Galloway, that got 0, and tight end Jerramy Stevens who notched only 2.7. Had he instead played De'shaun Foster (6.1), Brandon Lloyd (11.9) and Dallas Clark (12.5), he would have nearly doubled his total (no doubt a 200% increase using Journal math) and won the game. The loss dropped the Foam out of the playoffs for the moment, though at 6-5 a 2-0 finish will likely get them into the post-season.

Hairballs Ride the Steve Smith Express
Jake Delhomme throws for 235 and 169 of that is to Steve Smith. I have to say that I'm a fan of that ratio. Big fan. Paced by Smith's 16.9, the Hairballs pulled away from the Centurions for a 57.4 to 50.8 victory. The win moved the expectorated ones back into the playoffs while dropping the Centurions just barely out of it. No time to dwell on the loss for Coach Adam's crew, however, as they must gird their loins for a big week twelve showdown with the Fearsome Canines.

Knights Seek Barrel Bowl Escape
Needing a strong Monday Night performance out of Mewelde Moore, Coach Rod was no doubt delighted to watch the Packers give up 138 yards to Moore and, eventually, the game to the Vikings. Moore gave the Knights Who Say Ni just enough to eke out a 55.5 to 53.0 victory over the Motor City Cheeseheads. While locked into a sub-.500 record, the Knights are seeking exit from the Barrel Bowl, and the upset victory over the Cheeseheads was a big step in that direction. For the three-headed ones, the loss dealt a serious blow to their playoff aspirations, though they are only 11 yards back of the Posts for the 6th seed, and with two wins could still lock down the fifth seed.

Snowmobilers Finally Ready to Roll
Despite repeated entreaties by Coach Dave, the NFL has refused to consider starting the season in late October, thus greatly increasing the chance for snow. But with the onset of snow, and the return of Anquan Boldin, the Snowmobilers kicked into high gear in week eleven and ran right over the Barkeeps, 48.9 to 34.2. The victory kept Dave's crew out of the Barrel Bowl, for now, while ensuring that the Barkeeps will be present in the post-season as a Barrel Bowler.


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