Libertarian Librarian

Eden Prairie, Minn-- Investigators are looking into a party attended by several Minnesota Vikings' players that allegedly involved drunkenness, nudity and public sexual activity on a pair of cruise boats last week.

That's a real news story folks; I am not making it up. Right out of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel via the St. Paul Pioneer Press. Now, maybe the stories of nude women, sex acts on the floor of the boat, players taking over the bar and being belligerent to the crew of the boats is all crap. Hopefully, the police can figure out where the truth lies. But at this point, we don't know. It could all be true.

In his continuing quest to be the worst head coach in the history of the NFL, this was Mike Tice's reaction: "It doesn't make things any simpler and quite frankly I'm not happy about it."

Whew! Feel the anger. Thanks for being frank, Mike, but easy there big fellow-- maybe a little sugarcoating next time. I'm not sure our more delicate readers can handle that much emoting! And I've no doubt that the miscreant players on your team are quaking in their shoes, Mike, knowing that you're not happy and all.

Ye gods. Can you imagine Bill Parcels' reaction if his players were having a drunken sex cruise during the bye week? Vince Lombardi's? George Halas'? Back in the days of yore, Lombardi and Halas would likely have cashiered the schmucks involved. Well, unless they were Paul Hornung. And I'm reasonably certain that the Big Tuna would be more than "not happy about it."

I dunno, folks. As bad as Wanny (his Pitt Panthers did manage to beat Cincinatti last weekend to move to 2-4) and Shula are/were, I think Tice is worse. He's certainly more diverse. Scalping tickets, drunken sex cruises for the players, 1-3 with his Pro Bowl QB looking as stiff and unconvincing as his performance in that horrendous Fed Ex commercial. He's a well-rounded incompetent.

Posted by: Nick W. / 9:34 AM