Libertarian Librarian

Okay, let's face it. I'm tired, and coming up with a top 10 or top 25 (or top 18 once, I think) list every week is HARD. Really. Try it some time. So, occassional reader, long-time online friend/writing associate, and all around British dude Kilfire is filling in this week. And I can guarentee you that his list is one which I never, ever, would've generated myself.

Oh, and he can't count, but don't hold that against him. Thanks Kilfire, and away we go:


TOP 20 "DOCTOR WHO THEME" REMIXES

If you like sci-fi, you've probably heard of Doctor Who. You might even remember the 1987 single by the KLF, "Doctorin the TARDIS". But you probably haven't heard of http://whomix.trilete.net, dedicated to amateur remixes of the Who theme. The best ones beat the professionals, and that's what this list is about. All mixes come from that website, except for the KLF's and Orbital's. I hope you have as much fun listening as I did ^_^

This list is about mixes that add something to the original theme. They either take it to a new genre, or do a substantial rearrangement, and one or two address shortcomings in the originals. That removes a lot of good music, but otherwise I'd be doing a top 50. The acid test is repeated listening - if I can imagine adding a track to the mix CD I've burnt for playing in the car, then it might make it onto the list.

Special mentions go to the following disqualified tracks:

Evolution Mix. This mix doesn't add anything to the themes, it simply blends five of them together seamlessly. If you've forgotten what the Who theme sounds like then this is a great place to start.

Toxic Adventurer. Very funny and poppy, but too much Britney and not enough Doc.

Doctor Wah. I'm not rating this. I'm just not. Here's a 10/10 for sheer cheek - and now never torture my ears again.



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32. Elegy for the Ninth Doctor. Nice gentle classical piece, but there's nearly no Doctor in it. You can just about hear the fragments of the original melody after a few listens.

31. Slow Metal. Nice noodling on the start, naff guitar solo on the end.

30. Blacker Mix. I liked this enormously when I first heard it, but that Depeche-Mode-esque sound has aged a bit for me now.

29. Shadowcast. Gets the bassline wrong, but a good effort.

28. Dr. Wood. Slow and spooky. Very good really, just not quite my thing.

27. Take Off. Very light-hearted, and uses all the comedy effects from the new series TARDIS. Would rate much higher if it did a bit more with the melody, or if I was doing a list of "best purist mixes".

26. Transition's Rave. Straightforward hard trance remix, livened up with some well-chosen cybermen and a ranting Dalek.

25. Space Who. Slow, spaced out, and a little pensive. A nice interlude between more active tracks.

24. Ka Faraq Gatri [Dalek propaganda version]. This is nearly great, but the pedestrian tempo undermines the good work of the opening.

23. Alternative Time Mix. Like the Tom Baker samples and the very bouncy take on the theme. Not so sure about the guitar solo.

22. WhoBlaWho. Spaghetti Western Who. A little too simple, but doesn't outstay its welcome.

21. Tripping the Vortex. Spacey, moody and slightly downcast.

20. Moody Sea Mix. The Doctor stands on a high clifftop looking over a wild ocean on a blustery overcast day.

19. Davros Returns ...to the sound of drum'n'bass.

18. Russell Who? Played on xylophones, the Who theme becomes a soothing lullaby.

17. Matinee Intermission. The grand quest to remix the Who theme into all genres embraces the obscure sound of "Blackpool Ska". If you know who John Shuttleworth is then you'll like this.

16. Blue Whale Mix. If you can't hear this then you need new woofers :)

15. Nyman Who. If you've ever heard Nyman, you'll know that this is not a piss-take, it's a tribute. Pompous classical with a scampering middle 8.

14. JustUs2@TheEndOfTheWorld. A bit of acid jazz noodling. Mellow and contemplative, and unlike anything else here.

13. El Doctoro. This mix performs a very impressive musical trick - it restructures the original theme as if it had been written as a late 80's techno track, with minimal use of modern instruments.

12. As Good As Gold. For those who miss the middle 8 in the original, this is what Murray Gold's theme for the new series should've sounded like. To me it feels a little tinny, and some of the samples are played too often, but still very impressive.

11. Doctor Who 2006. Good use of samples that nobody else has thought to use - especially the Master's laughter, which will give you a shiver every time.

10. Industrial Cyberdisco Remix. The artist describes this as "a bunch of cybermen stomping around outside the TARDIS in an abandoned warehouse", and that's exactly the right image.

09. Cavern Chant. This is a Doctor Who remix - honest. It took me three or four listens to pick out the tune. First time round just expect to be amazed - this is totally bonkers and perfect for Hallowe'en.

08. Victory Lap. In the UK, the Ninth Doctor brushed aside all his competitors in the Saturday night ratings. This bright and poppy mix comes from "Dancing Rat", and it really does sound like some sort of Wind-in-the-Willows rodent doing a victory jig round the TARDIS console. The Doctor Is Back!

07. Doctorin the TARDIS. Since this was released, Gary Glitter has gone from 70's glam rock legend to convicted child porn pervert, which spoils things more than a little. But there's still something amusing about hearing a Dalek say "BOSH_BOSH_BOSH_LOADSOFMONEY". Even if it isn't quite a Dalek.

06. High Noon Mix. If Lorne Green had played the Doctor, it would've sounded like this. The TARDIS lands on the High Chapperal.

05. Jesus Built My TARDIS / The Mind is an Evil Thing to Taste / Wolf Tracks on Wax. This is what the TARDIS dematerialization sound has been crying out for - the full industrial treatment. Alas, the longer version (Wolf Tracks on Wax") can't quite sustain the sense of dread in the first mix. If the Master returns, I want his entrance to sound like this.

04. Geldomere Quote Mix. The one that proves that all the sample-haters are wrong. It's an old, old trick, shoving random quotes together until the the listener is overwhelmed, gives up and laughs. But with quality material like this it can't fail. "Machiavellian Machinations" indeed.

03. Zinc Tuner Mix. This is a Remix with a capital R - Arthur Crichton has given the theme a full electronica rearrangement, with all sorts of subtle new details, whilst keeping it recognisable as Doctor Who.

02. Doctor? (Orbital). Easily the best track on Orbital's patchy album "The Altogether". In some ways, it's a by-the-numbers modern dance remix, and exactly what you'd imagine Orbital would come up with. But it's so perfectly crafted I can't not love it. Only Orbital could successfully re-create (not sample) the "electronic scream", and follow it with some pure bass menace to open the track.

01. Delia D's Cha-Cha-Cha. This has no right to work, but it does, and brilliantly. The original Who theme is shoehorned into high heels and a long flowing skirt and flounces around your speakers. This would still be at least #3 even if I wasn't a Quiller.

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So, there it is in all it's... ah... glory? Sure, glory. Interesting annotation Kilfire, and thanks again for the list. And yes, this does mean I'm open to accepting other people's top-whatevers lists. Though I reserve the right to laugh at any or all submissions and to only post the ones I want based on an entirely arbitrary and whimsical criteria.

One final note. Given the tremendous fan following of the faithful-- I mean the cultlike status of the Doctor is right up there with Star Wars and Star Trek and Batman-- why hasn't there been a major studio production of Doctor Who? I'm guessing its some sort of copyright thing, but even so-- no matter how dreadful the film actually was, it would likely make gobs of money (much like the first Star Trek movie). Any ideas, folks?

Labels: Lists