Libertarian Librarian

We've reached the halfway point, and my team seems to be in the dreaded death spiral I warned Tony about earlier in the year. Four straight losses, this week by nine yards. Ick. Sigh. Ah well. I am still undefeated in Gym Jim's league, so that's cool. Though I will say that, overall, the competition in that league is not as strong. Forward, then:

v. 11 #6

Standings

Star Trek Division
1. Vulcanian Alcoholics, 6-1, 342.8
2. McCoy's Metal Mayhem, 5-2, 329.7
3. James "Renaissance Man" Kirk, 4-3, 328.5
4. Tribbleballs, 3-4, 349.5
5. Dilitium Crystal Boys, 3-4, 328.2
6. NCC 1701-Cheeseheads, 3-4, 323.1
7. Knights Who Say Beam Me Up Scotty, 2-5, 318.1

Star Wars Division
1. Fearsome Sith, 6-1, 392.2
2. Stormtroopers, 5-2, 349.3
3. Jar Jar Binks Does Alderaan, 4-3, 317.7
4. ATAT Walkers, 3-4, 313.3
5. Jedi Cowboys, 2-5, 307.0
6. Barkeeps, 2-5, 268.8
7. C3PO [pretty much the biggest post in the series], 1-6, 317.3

If the playoffs were today…
1. Fearsome Sith, 6-1, 392.2
2. Vulcanian Alcoholics, 6-1, 342.8
3. Stormtroopers, 5-2, 349.3
4. McCoys' Metal Mayhem, 5-2, 329.7
5. James "Renaissance Man" Kirk, 4-3, 328.5
6. Tribbleballs, 349.5

On the outside looking in:
7. Jar Jar Binks Does Alderaan, 4-3, 317.7
7. Dilithium Crystal Boys, 328.1

If the Barrel Bowl were today…
11. Knights Who Say Beam Me Up Scotty, 2-5, 318.1
12. Jedi Cowboys, 2-5, 307.0
13. Barkeeps, 2-5, 268.8
14. C3POs, 1-6, 317.3

On the edge of ignominity...
10. ATAT Walkers, 3-4, 313.3


Stat of the Week I: During the draft, GM Frank of the Diamond Boys joked not once, not twice, but at least four times that GM Nick of the Hairballs had selected the third best Smith (Steve) earlier than two other, better, Smiths (Jimmy and Rod). After seven weeks: Steve Smith, 59.6 (7th best WR to date), Jimmy Smith, 40.4 (21st), and Rod Smith, 48.3 (12th). Given that all three are in or near the top 20, you can safely say that all three are very good. To date, GM Frank’s claim that Steve is the least of the three Smiths continues to look pretty silly. Thankfully, not everyone is employing the Packers' "ten guys cover Steve Smith" philosophy.

Stat of the Week II: Though I appear to have been right about my Smiths, Troy has correctly pointed out that I got the Mosses completely wrong. I drafted Randy in the 2nd round and he currently has 50.9 (10th) and a bum leg. Russ drafted Santana SEVEN rounds later (yes, in the 9th round) and he currently has 74.3 (1st) and is apparently completely uncoverable. Oops. Nice pick Russ.

Stat of the Week III: Over the last few updates I have ridiculed other coaches for starting several guys that got outplayed by players on the bench. Well, playing guys that score, as opposed to those that don't, continues to be good advice. I wish I had listened to myself in week six, when I played four guys that were outplayed by guys on the bench and lost by 7.4.

Stat of the Week IV: Since chastising Troy's Vulcanian Alcoholics for being 4-1 despite not scoring worth a damn, the Alcoholics have gone 2-0 and have averaged nearly 58 points a game. They are now scoring like a team that deserves to be leading the Star Trek Division. Should anybody else wish me to rip on their team, thereby inspiring them to great heights of achievement, let me know. Heavy irony alert-- if Troy and Scott continue to lead their respective divisions, the #1 seed may come down to the head to head matchup of the Vulcanian Alcoholics and the Fearsome Sith. A contest that, because of byes, finds Scotty's team, which is clearly superior, without four of its normal six starters.

Team Evaluations at the Half-way Point

Fearsome Sith, 6-1, 392.2

The starting six are terrific. Best sixsome in the league, hands down. The 56 points a game average and 6-1 record pretty well testify to that. But there isn't much depth on this team-- Kurt Warner has lost his job, Stephen Davis is, surprise, hurt and only Green Bay can make Michael Gaines look like a good tight end. T.J. Alphabet and Ashley Lelie do provide depth at WR. Barring injury, Scotty's team should steamroll into the playoffs and will most likely have a first round bye. But the lack of legitimate backup players at three of four positions could cost the Fearsome ones in the marathon that is an NFL season.

Vulcanian Alcoholics, 6-1, 342.8

They are riding a four game winning streak and have finally started producing some points to go with their victories. Depth is also an issue for the drunken ones, though I do feel they have a bit more in the tank than the Sith. Provided Favre doesn't get killed playing with the mishmash of whodats that currently make up the Packers, Coach Troy's team can continue to head up the division-- especially if his defense continues to hold opposing teams to less than 40 points a game. That's a remarkable feat. As to how non-emotional scientific types can become out of control drunken sots-- well, the devil juice can get anybody if you're not careful.

Stormtroopers, 5-2, 349.3

The vaunted military shock troops of the Empire have stumbled a little of late, suffering a humiliating loss to the drunken Vulcans in week six before holding off the Barkeeps in week seven. Perhaps of more concern to Emperor Palpatine were the 38.5 and 45.0 point totals-- significantly lower than the Stormtroopers scores in the first five weeks. Spokespeople for the Emperor deny reports that the recent drop in performance is due to Lord Vader's experimenting with the Force on Chris Brown and other members of the team. At 5-2 and the third highest scoring team in the league, the Stormtroopers seem to be in good shape heading into the backstretch of the season-- but if they see any chicks with cinnabun hair they may want to circle the star destroyers.

McCoy's Metal Mayhem, 5-2, 329.7

Maybe it's having had another person's mind inside your brain. Maybe it's the great drugs a 23rd century doctor would have at his disposal. Maybe it's just luck, but no matter what the reason, the Metal Mayhem keep on winning, and the late DeForest Kelley must be smiling from the great med lab in the sky. With newly acquired Steven Jackson to share carries with Kevin Jones and Larry Johnson, the Mayhem do not have a shortage of depth at running back, unlike many other playoff contenders. Of course, without Boldin, they now seem a bit thin at wide out unless Darrell Jackson makes a rapid and full recovery. I like the Mayhem's chances, but remember, Bones was a doctor, not a heavy metal pundit.

James "Renaissance Man" Kirk, 4-3, 328.5

No idea what to make of this group. Santana Moss is the stud wide receiver of the league so far, but Brian Westbrook is a Jekyl and Hyde running back, Ahman Green is done, Joe Horn is mysteriously broken, and Duce Staley apparently still isn't healthy. Which leaves some pretty big question marks for GM Russ' group as the second half of the season begins. Can Moss maintain his ridiculous 12+ points per game average? Seems impossible-- that corresponds to 2000 yards receiving and would crush Jerry Rice's 1995 record of 1848-- but so far nobody has been able to stop him.

Jar Jar Binks Does Alderaan, 4-3, 317.7
Binks' boys are 10th in scoring so far this year, but their defense is the second best in the league, and their winning record gives them a shot at the playoffs. The tricky bit for GM Gym Jim will be to guess right on who to play each week. But if he can get 85% or better production out of his starters, these guys can beat anybody and if they sneak into the playoffs, watch out. Torry Holt, Isaac Bruce, Bobby Engram, and De'Shaun Foster are all due back from injury in the next few weeks.

Tribbleballs, 3-4, 349.5

Hubris. It's a killer. Since the moment I crowed about my team's undefeated record we have lost every subsequent game. So, I hereby apologize for my arrogance and ask forgiveness of the Football Gods. Is my team any good? I don't know. They have the second highest point total in the league, but much of that came early on in the season. They also have bust boy Jamal Lewis at the #2 RB position and a banged up Randy Moss at the #1 WR position. So who knows. Any given week, we could score 30 or 70. Hopefully my sincere and heartfelt apology to the Football Gods will garner more of the latter than the former.

Dilithium Crystal Boys, 3-4, 328.2

No doubt Frank's group is struggling because he picked late in every odd numbered round during the draft-- did any of you know that? Well, he did. Of course, he could also be struggling because he started guys who were out (Julius Jones) while keeping starters who played well (Willie Parker) on the bench. Still, with Jones, Parker and Rudi Johnson on board, the Dilithium Crystal Boys are probably the deepest team in the league at running back, and strength at that pivotal position can translate directly into championships. The key things for Frank will be playing the right two RBs each week, and the health of that fine Irish lad, Donovan McNabb.

NCC 1701-Cheeseheads, 3-4, 323.1

The cheeesehead version of the Enterprise was a little known, and short-lived, version. Turns out, dairy products don't make good space faring vehicles. Go figure. GM Bill/Paul/Keith have a balanced squad here that is suffering from Colt malaise-- a disabling, though not always fatal, illness that has struck thousands of fantasy football owners throughout the country. If the Cheeseheads ever get Peyton Manning and Marvin Harrison back to anywhere close to last year's level, this team could make a run to the playoffs. If not, they seem destined for the Mediocre Bowl.

ATAT Walkers, 3-4, 313.3

I respect GM Dave's confidence in Tony Fisher to carry the Walker's #2 running back responsibilities, but I must say, I don't share it. Ahman Green struggled behind the Packer's line this year-- why would Tony Fisher do any better? Regardless, former #2 Steven Jackson is gone and new #1 wide receiver Anquan Boldin has arrived. Whether the ATATs can make a rund to the playoffs in the second half of the season will almost certainly rest on the somewhat diminutive shoulders of Mr. Fisher. Good luck with that.

Knights Who Say Beam Me Up Scotty, 2-5, 318.1

Mike Vick did just barely enough Monday night to hold off the Tribbleballs, and the Knights got their second win. With Mewelde Moore rounding into a nice RB option and Travis Henry taking over for Chris "I'm broken... again" Brown, the Knights have depth at RB despite the loss of McAllister. I'm not sure the same can be said at WR, where, other than Terrell Owens, GM Rod's groups seems awfully thin. Todd Heap has rebounded nicely at TE, so whether the Knights poor start is too much for them to overcome may well depend on whether Mr. Vick can a) stay healthy and b) hit the broad side of a barn with one of his passes. If both a and b are achieved, the Knights still have a shot at the playoffs.

Jedi Cowboys, 2-5, 307.0

Ah, hubris. It seems like only yesterday that GM C.J. was 2-1, leading his division and spouting things like:

How can a team this had such a weak draft be leading in the power ranking. The only reason I lost the second game was because I listened to you idiots and didn't start Toomer. I figure if I keep scoring 55+ I will be hard to beat. Unless the injury bug hits. I will definately win more than 4 games Commish.

The Cowboys haven't won a game since, and instead of continuing a 55+ point per game pace, they've averaged less than 37 and have scored less in the past four weeks than they did in the first three. The Football Gods frown severely on hubris, C.J., as I have also learned. I suggest apologizing for your arrogance before you are securely locked into the Barrel Bowl.

Barkeeps, 2-5, 268.8

Why no new cognomen for GM Tony's group? Because Bartenders are universal and timeless. All societies need one, and they will exist in the future as they exist in the now and in the past. It is likely only by the slimmest of margins that they are not the world's oldest profession. Anyway, the Barkeeps found the answer at running back-- Priest Holmes and Thomas Jones-- only to have the QB and WR positions go haywire. If Tony can ever guess right on which QB and which two wideouts to start, however, this team can score with anybody. It is likely too late for the Barkeeps to escape the Barrel Bowl, but movement up to the Terribly Average Bowl is certainly not out of the realm of possibility.

C3POs, 1-6, 317.3

Karma. All season I have been ripping GM John for having not yet paid me for last year. Well, he paid me. And his team won for the first time all year. Karma, as embodied by the excellent new TV show, My Name Is Earl. More on that in a later post. For now, suffice to say that John's group enjoyed their best point total and first win immediately after settling their debt to... well, not society... to me. Well done. With Lamont Jordan rounding into top 10 RB territory, Mike Anderson still getting the majority of carries in Denver and Corey Dillon in reserve (if he ever gets healthy), the C3POs will be a handful for teams down the stretch. At 1-6, it is likely too late for them to make the playoffs-- but they certainly aren't an easy W for anybody.

Labels: Sports

Posted by: Nick W. / 2:49 PM