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- Name: Nick W.
- Location: Wisconsin, United States
Libertarian observations from within the Ivory Tower by an archivist, librarian and researcher.
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A university is just a group of buildings gathered around a library. ~Shelby Foote
Friday, October 07, 2005
Fantasy Football Update, Week Four
My quest for the undefeated season went by the boards last week. Sigh. Oh well. John's quest to go through the season unvictorious is still alive, though. So we have that going for us. Which is nice.
v. 11 #4
Standings
Affadavit Division
1. Hairballs, 3-1, 204.4
2. Stumbling Alcoholics, 3-1, 189.3
3. Diamond Boys, 2-2, 211.2
4. Renaissance Men, 2-2, 204.2
5. Motor City Cheeseheads, 2-2, 192.9
6. Metal Mayhem, 190.3
7. Knights Who Say Ni, 1-3, 201.6
Subpoena Division
1. Fearsome Canines, 3-1, 222.5
2. Centurions, 3-1, 210.5
3. Dimestick Cowboys, 2-2, 188.5
4. Chocolate Foam, 2-2, 179.4
5. Snowmobilers, 2-2, 171.9
6. Barkeeps, 1-3, 139.0
7. Posts, 0-4, 180.4
If the playoffs were today…
1. Fearsome Canines, 3-1, 222.5
2. Hairballs, 3-1, 204.4
3. Centurions, 3-1, 210.5
4. Stumbling Alcoholics, 3-1, 189.3
5. Diamond Boys, 2-2, 211.2
6. Renaissance Men, 204.2
On the outside looking in:
7. Motor City Cheeseheads, 2-2, 192.9
7. Knights Who Say Ni, 201.6
If the Barrel Bowl were today…
11. Snowmobilers, 2-2, 171.9
12. Knights Who Say Ni, 1-3, 201.6
13. Barkeeps, 1-3, 139.0
14. Posts, 0-4, 180.4
On the edge of ignominity...
10. Snowmobilers, 1-2, 135.4
Stat of the Week I: During the draft, GM Frank of the Diamond Boys joked not once, not twice, but at least four times that GM Nick of the Hairballs had selected the third best Smith (Steve) earlier than two other, better, Smiths (Jimmy and Rod). After four weeks: Steve Smith, 35.4 (11th best WR to date), Jimmy Smith, 32,9 (13th), and Rod Smith, 28.6 (19th). Given that all three are in the top 20, you can safely say that all three are very good. Granted it is very early, but to date, GM Frank’s claim that Steve is the least of the three Smiths doesn’t seem to carry much freight. Though if everyone employs the "ten guys cover Steve Smith" philosophy that the Packers used, Frank might wind up being right.
Stat of the Week II: Last week, John started three players that were outscored by players on the bench and lost. This week, he started four players that were outscored by players on the bench and lost. Small coaching tip for John-- you should play more guys that score a lot, instead of playing lots of guys that don't score much. Just a thought. Oh-- and pay me you friggin' deadbeat.
Stat of the Week III: Last week, C.J. started three guys that were outscored by players on his bench and he still had the highest point total of the week. This week, C.J. started three guys that were outscored by players on his bench, didn't break 30, and lost an ugly game to the Snowmobilers. I think this is an example of what they call "pushing your luck." In still another in a series of pointed twists of sheer irony, one of the starting players outscored by someone on the bench was Amani Toomer.
Game Capsules
No More Undefeated Teams After Canines Maul Hairballs
Since time immemorial dogs have abused cats. Oh sure, there are the highly publicized exceptions like Garfield and Odie, but in general when dogs and cats tangle, it's the feline that gets the worst of it. Even when they are expectorated feline gobs of fur. So it goes. L.T. (not the retired Hall of Fame linebacker) and Antonio Gates (not related, to the best of my knowledge, to Bill Gates) put up some monster numbers for the Fearsome Canines and the rest of the team chipped in solid numbers as the pups shredded the Hairballs, 66.3 to 42.2. The victory moved the Fearsome Canines into the #1 seed, atop the Subpoena Division, and left them with the league's highest point total through four games. Despite the loss, the Hairballs remained atop the Affadavit Division.
Centurions Continue Boring Run to Superiority
The hallmarks of the Roman Centurion are discipline and resolve. They aren't flashy. You'll never see a Centurion doing the Dirty Bird or yanking out a hidden Sharpie after scoring. They just go out and do what they do consistently and nearly irresistably. Through four weeks, the Centurions have the 3rd highest point total in the league despite never finishing higher than 5th in any given week. 48.5, 51.6, 55.4 and 55.0. Solid, baby. This week, the Centurions continued their inexorable, grinding program for league domination by demolising the Metal Mayhem, 55.0 to 35.6. Their disciplined approach was clearly illustrated this week, as the crashing power chords and wild, disheveled hair of the Mayhem rattled the old rusty dudes not one whit.
Renaissance Men and Drink Do Not Mix Well
For the second straight week the previously dominate Renaissance Men were brought low by individuals intimately concerned with alcoholic beverages. Last week, it was the bartenders. This week, the Stumbling Alcoholics used a strong performance by Favre and solid to good production from the rest of the team to crush the suddenly vulnerable old rusty dude, 49.8 to 34.7. "A curse upon the devil drink," pontificated Coach Russ after the loss. "Verily, the wicked brew has tarnished our record, our armor, our very souls. No longer. Henceforth the Ren Men will imbibe nought but non-alcoholic grog and extra-virgin olive oil. Our honor shall be redeemed!" Coach Troy of the victorious stumbling ones was unavailable for comment after the game, though he did unleash a tremendous belch.
Diamond Boys Keep Posts Winless
Monster games from Plaxico Burress (20.4) and that fine Irish lad Donovan McNabb (18.4) paced the Diamond Boys to a convincing 64.3 to 45.5 victory over the reeling Posts. The victory moved the sparkly ones into the playoff picture and left them with the second highest point total in the league after four weeks. For the Posts, well, it doesn't look good. Having four starting RBs is nice and all, but when you guess wrong on which ones to start every week, it plays havoc with that whole winning thing. I'm going to go out on a limb now and say that, at 0-4, winning is probably more important than having four legitimate starting running backs.
Cheeseheads on Course to "Never Lose Again"
After getting thumped by the Hairballs in week two, the weird, three-headed monstrosity that is the coach of the Motor City Cheeseheads vowed that they would not lose any more games this year. A bold statement, but one which, for two weeks at least, they have backed up on the football field. Last week the Cheeseheads dispatched the Posts, and this week they rolled over the Chocolate Foam, 62.9 to 46.9 as everyone but their tight end racked up double digit totals. The Foam were hurt by their over-abundance of wide receiver talent (see, having too many good players is a problem, folks), as they started Holt and Lloyd for a solid 18.6 combined, but they could have played Galloway and Engram for 27.6. So, there's the lesson of the day-- depth only makes it more likely you'll play the wrong people.
We Have Reports That the Snowmobilers Did Win
Unfortunately, these reports can not be substantiated by Update staff since, well, they fell asleep during the 2nd quarter. There will be consequences for this dereliction of duty, but the mitigating factor of the game being dreadfully dull will be considered. Actually, nearly everyone who had the misfortune to view this game either fell asleep or had to retire to the porcelain altar to regurgitate. But we did find one guy, apparently hopped up on Meth, who stated confidently that the Snowmobilers won 36.5 to 28.9 over the Dimestick Cowboys. And we're going with that. Confidently. No question about it. Really.
Kanniggits That Say Ni Finally Win One for the Shrubbery
After scoring in the forties for the first three weeks, and losing, the Knights Who Say Ni decided to turn it up to 11 this week. Indeed, so desperate for a victory were yet another bunch of rusty old dudes, that Coach Rod invoked the Quest for the Holy Shrubbery in his pregame speech. Inspired by their vision of this most sacred of flora, the Knights overcame an injury to QB Mike Vick to post a 63.6 to 39.2 shallacking of the Barkeeps. After the victory, the team took the unusual step of uprooting a small evergreen and "pouring" it over the head of Coach Rod. Team spokesmen assure the Update that Rod is recovering nicely in a local hospital, and that he should be available to coach week 5's game against the Renaissance Men.
v. 11 #4
Standings
Affadavit Division
1. Hairballs, 3-1, 204.4
2. Stumbling Alcoholics, 3-1, 189.3
3. Diamond Boys, 2-2, 211.2
4. Renaissance Men, 2-2, 204.2
5. Motor City Cheeseheads, 2-2, 192.9
6. Metal Mayhem, 190.3
7. Knights Who Say Ni, 1-3, 201.6
Subpoena Division
1. Fearsome Canines, 3-1, 222.5
2. Centurions, 3-1, 210.5
3. Dimestick Cowboys, 2-2, 188.5
4. Chocolate Foam, 2-2, 179.4
5. Snowmobilers, 2-2, 171.9
6. Barkeeps, 1-3, 139.0
7. Posts, 0-4, 180.4
If the playoffs were today…
1. Fearsome Canines, 3-1, 222.5
2. Hairballs, 3-1, 204.4
3. Centurions, 3-1, 210.5
4. Stumbling Alcoholics, 3-1, 189.3
5. Diamond Boys, 2-2, 211.2
6. Renaissance Men, 204.2
On the outside looking in:
7. Motor City Cheeseheads, 2-2, 192.9
7. Knights Who Say Ni, 201.6
If the Barrel Bowl were today…
11. Snowmobilers, 2-2, 171.9
12. Knights Who Say Ni, 1-3, 201.6
13. Barkeeps, 1-3, 139.0
14. Posts, 0-4, 180.4
On the edge of ignominity...
10. Snowmobilers, 1-2, 135.4
Stat of the Week I: During the draft, GM Frank of the Diamond Boys joked not once, not twice, but at least four times that GM Nick of the Hairballs had selected the third best Smith (Steve) earlier than two other, better, Smiths (Jimmy and Rod). After four weeks: Steve Smith, 35.4 (11th best WR to date), Jimmy Smith, 32,9 (13th), and Rod Smith, 28.6 (19th). Given that all three are in the top 20, you can safely say that all three are very good. Granted it is very early, but to date, GM Frank’s claim that Steve is the least of the three Smiths doesn’t seem to carry much freight. Though if everyone employs the "ten guys cover Steve Smith" philosophy that the Packers used, Frank might wind up being right.
Stat of the Week II: Last week, John started three players that were outscored by players on the bench and lost. This week, he started four players that were outscored by players on the bench and lost. Small coaching tip for John-- you should play more guys that score a lot, instead of playing lots of guys that don't score much. Just a thought. Oh-- and pay me you friggin' deadbeat.
Stat of the Week III: Last week, C.J. started three guys that were outscored by players on his bench and he still had the highest point total of the week. This week, C.J. started three guys that were outscored by players on his bench, didn't break 30, and lost an ugly game to the Snowmobilers. I think this is an example of what they call "pushing your luck." In still another in a series of pointed twists of sheer irony, one of the starting players outscored by someone on the bench was Amani Toomer.
PICKUP ALERT: There are weekly pickups. Pickups are in inverse order of record with points as the tie-breaker for teams with the same record. You can enter your choices on the web site, or email/call them into me. Please do so before Wednesday, 9:00 PM Central Time. Obviously, this is a bit late for this week, but hey, I include it as a running reminder-- and it's plenty early for next week's pickups.
TRADES: In a long standing tradition, GM Gym Jim (hah!) traded away an underperforming player just before that player has a big game. On the Saturday before Week 4's kickoff, Jim traded T.J. Alphabet to GM Scotty for Jerramy Stevens. Houshmandzadeh then proceeded to put up an 11.0 effort against me. Thanks Jim!
TRADES: In a long standing tradition, GM Gym Jim (hah!) traded away an underperforming player just before that player has a big game. On the Saturday before Week 4's kickoff, Jim traded T.J. Alphabet to GM Scotty for Jerramy Stevens. Houshmandzadeh then proceeded to put up an 11.0 effort against me. Thanks Jim!
No More Undefeated Teams After Canines Maul Hairballs
Since time immemorial dogs have abused cats. Oh sure, there are the highly publicized exceptions like Garfield and Odie, but in general when dogs and cats tangle, it's the feline that gets the worst of it. Even when they are expectorated feline gobs of fur. So it goes. L.T. (not the retired Hall of Fame linebacker) and Antonio Gates (not related, to the best of my knowledge, to Bill Gates) put up some monster numbers for the Fearsome Canines and the rest of the team chipped in solid numbers as the pups shredded the Hairballs, 66.3 to 42.2. The victory moved the Fearsome Canines into the #1 seed, atop the Subpoena Division, and left them with the league's highest point total through four games. Despite the loss, the Hairballs remained atop the Affadavit Division.
Centurions Continue Boring Run to Superiority
The hallmarks of the Roman Centurion are discipline and resolve. They aren't flashy. You'll never see a Centurion doing the Dirty Bird or yanking out a hidden Sharpie after scoring. They just go out and do what they do consistently and nearly irresistably. Through four weeks, the Centurions have the 3rd highest point total in the league despite never finishing higher than 5th in any given week. 48.5, 51.6, 55.4 and 55.0. Solid, baby. This week, the Centurions continued their inexorable, grinding program for league domination by demolising the Metal Mayhem, 55.0 to 35.6. Their disciplined approach was clearly illustrated this week, as the crashing power chords and wild, disheveled hair of the Mayhem rattled the old rusty dudes not one whit.
Renaissance Men and Drink Do Not Mix Well
For the second straight week the previously dominate Renaissance Men were brought low by individuals intimately concerned with alcoholic beverages. Last week, it was the bartenders. This week, the Stumbling Alcoholics used a strong performance by Favre and solid to good production from the rest of the team to crush the suddenly vulnerable old rusty dude, 49.8 to 34.7. "A curse upon the devil drink," pontificated Coach Russ after the loss. "Verily, the wicked brew has tarnished our record, our armor, our very souls. No longer. Henceforth the Ren Men will imbibe nought but non-alcoholic grog and extra-virgin olive oil. Our honor shall be redeemed!" Coach Troy of the victorious stumbling ones was unavailable for comment after the game, though he did unleash a tremendous belch.
Diamond Boys Keep Posts Winless
Monster games from Plaxico Burress (20.4) and that fine Irish lad Donovan McNabb (18.4) paced the Diamond Boys to a convincing 64.3 to 45.5 victory over the reeling Posts. The victory moved the sparkly ones into the playoff picture and left them with the second highest point total in the league after four weeks. For the Posts, well, it doesn't look good. Having four starting RBs is nice and all, but when you guess wrong on which ones to start every week, it plays havoc with that whole winning thing. I'm going to go out on a limb now and say that, at 0-4, winning is probably more important than having four legitimate starting running backs.
Cheeseheads on Course to "Never Lose Again"
After getting thumped by the Hairballs in week two, the weird, three-headed monstrosity that is the coach of the Motor City Cheeseheads vowed that they would not lose any more games this year. A bold statement, but one which, for two weeks at least, they have backed up on the football field. Last week the Cheeseheads dispatched the Posts, and this week they rolled over the Chocolate Foam, 62.9 to 46.9 as everyone but their tight end racked up double digit totals. The Foam were hurt by their over-abundance of wide receiver talent (see, having too many good players is a problem, folks), as they started Holt and Lloyd for a solid 18.6 combined, but they could have played Galloway and Engram for 27.6. So, there's the lesson of the day-- depth only makes it more likely you'll play the wrong people.
We Have Reports That the Snowmobilers Did Win
Unfortunately, these reports can not be substantiated by Update staff since, well, they fell asleep during the 2nd quarter. There will be consequences for this dereliction of duty, but the mitigating factor of the game being dreadfully dull will be considered. Actually, nearly everyone who had the misfortune to view this game either fell asleep or had to retire to the porcelain altar to regurgitate. But we did find one guy, apparently hopped up on Meth, who stated confidently that the Snowmobilers won 36.5 to 28.9 over the Dimestick Cowboys. And we're going with that. Confidently. No question about it. Really.
Kanniggits That Say Ni Finally Win One for the Shrubbery
After scoring in the forties for the first three weeks, and losing, the Knights Who Say Ni decided to turn it up to 11 this week. Indeed, so desperate for a victory were yet another bunch of rusty old dudes, that Coach Rod invoked the Quest for the Holy Shrubbery in his pregame speech. Inspired by their vision of this most sacred of flora, the Knights overcame an injury to QB Mike Vick to post a 63.6 to 39.2 shallacking of the Barkeeps. After the victory, the team took the unusual step of uprooting a small evergreen and "pouring" it over the head of Coach Rod. Team spokesmen assure the Update that Rod is recovering nicely in a local hospital, and that he should be available to coach week 5's game against the Renaissance Men.
Labels: Sports
