Libertarian Librarian

Peter King is a Favre-lovin' idiot. For those of you unfamiliar with King's work, he is a football columnist for Sports Illustrated. Every Monday, he files a column called Monday Morning Quarterback for SI.com, and in previous years, I have found his work interesting, edifying, and well-written.

Not so much with his first regular season installment of MMQB in 2005. Well, it's still well-writing, but not all that interesting and certainly not edifying. King opens with a letter to Tom Benson, the owner of the New Orleans Saints, begging him, for the good of the city of New Orleans, to firmly and convincingly state that the Saints will never, ever, leave the city formerly known as below sea level. A nice thought, certainly well-intentioned, but here's a little tidbit that King conveniently ignores-- the Superdome, home of the Saints for the past thirty years, may have been damaged beyond repair. Even if it were repaired, or a new venue built, the questions remain-- how long will that take, and who's left to go watch? I mean, I don't mean to be callous here, but there's a fair chance the city of New Orleans will never be rebuilt-- at least not to its previous level. I suppose Benson could just say that he will never move the team, for the sake of morale, but that statement would be disingenuous at best, and I doubt very many people would believe him. But, okay, it was a nice thought.

Then you read the last sentence of the letter:

And right now these people need you, Tom. Lead this city back. You can do it. What's more, you have to do it. No one else can.

And it's a thing that makes you go Hrmmm? No one else can, Peter? I mean, I know the mayor of New Orleans has been nigh onto useless during the catastrophe, and the Governor not all that much better, but seriously-- no one else can? What a stupid and condescending thing to say. There are stories galore coming out of the disaster zone that already prove this statement false. If there is enough desire, enough potential, enough infrastructure left to make it viable, New Orleans will be reborn-- but I find it difficult to conceive that the pivotal piece of the puzzle will be whether Tom Benson says he's keeping the Saints in town or not. No, I take that back. I find it impossible to believe, and I find the implication-- that no one else is capable of bringing the city back to life-- to be incredibly insulting to... well... everyone else connected with the city.

So, moving on. Next page, King actually starts talking about the Thursday and Sunday games. Well and good. He hands out some awards, and while I don't entirely agree with his selections, they can be justified-- until you get to the Goat of the Week. Which was Chad Pennington, quarterback of the NY Jets.

Now, I'll grant you Pennington was not good, but doesn't some of the blame have to fall on the offensive line? Wasn't Brett Favre equally as terrible against a, arguably, inferior opponent? Wouldn't you have to say that Jake Plummer's two interception, one fumble performance against Miami was also as terrible, if not more so? But above and beyond that, King also maintains that no team was as disappointing as the Jets in their opener. Which is absurd. Houston was, the Packers were, the Broncos were, the Vikings were, and I think you could probably argue that the Titans were. But okay, you can only pick one goat, and King "liked" Pennington. Whatever.

Moving on. Aggravating/Enjoyable Travel Note of the Week. This is a standard in the MMQB column and it used to be interesting-- King would talk about some of the behind the scenes things reporters experience to get to games and to interview players and/or coaches. In this column, he drops this lovely pearl of wisdom on us:

I'm all for the Starbucks empire expanding to the New Jersey Turnpike ... with real Starbucks stores, not the phony ones with poorly trained, shoddy baristas. But Saturday morning, at the central Jersey rest area with the real Starbucks just off the parking lot, I got fleeced for a triple grande hazelnut latte to the tune of $5.37.

Think of that, Seattle: a 12-ounce mixture of espresso, milk, foam and hazelnut syrup, heavy on the foam, costs more than a 24-bottle case of Poland Spring water at the grocery store.

To which I say: Think of that, Mr. King: Starbucks wouldn't be able to charge $5.37 for a 12-ounce mixture of espresso, milk, foam and hazelnut syrup if idiots like you didn't pay for them! It's called the free market, Peter, and if Starbucks can get coffee nerds like you to fork over enough for an entire meal-- albeit a somewhat cheap one-- for one 12 cup of java, who's really the maroon in the equation?

Right: King's Ten Things I Think I Think (Also a standard for the MMQB column).

#1 is that he thinks Kerry Collins play against the Patriots was stunning in its badness. Errr... huh? I'll grant Collins was fantastic-- I don't see a bust in Canton heading his way-- but "stunning in its badness"? Please. Collins was 18 of 40 for 265 yards, 3 touchdowns and 1 interception. He did not fumble the ball, and the Raiders were in the game until late in the third quarter. On the road. Against, arguably, the best defense in the league.

How can you possibly classify that as "stunning in its badness"?

Deep breath. Okay-- under #2, King's "quick-hit NFL thoughts of the week" (I place that in quotes, but virtually every one of the "quick hits" is longer than the standard Ten Things entries. Which, to me, makes them unquick) King says "You've got to like the Lions on defense." Now, setting aside the lousy grammar, why exactly do we got to love the Lions on defense? Because they held a lousy Packers team, who lost their best receiver, to three points in a dome-- a place where Brett Favre is almost always poor to lousy? Possibly, the Lions' defense is good-- but equally possibly, the Packers are just that bad.

Right. #4: "I think Drew Brees has reinvented himself about as well as any quarterback can. Excellent job against the Cowboys, with the new Dallas pressure coming from everywhere." Um... Peter? The Chargers lost. At home. On a late interception by Brees. His totals were 18 of 35 for 209 yards, two TDs and two interceptions. Which, by my reckoning, is worse than Collins' stats. And Brees' performance was at home (where, presumably, it should be lot easier to succeed) and not against the defending Super Bowl champions and, arguably, the best defense in the league. Yet Brees did an "excellent job" and Collins was "stunning" in his "badness"? Wow.

#5 is okay. #6... oh yes, #6. Things about the weekend King didn't like. These included: Culpepper, Jets readiness, Tennessee's run defense AND just about everything Tennessee did, Matt Hasselbeck, David Carr, Jake Plummer and the Oakland penalties. I don't disagree with anything on that list, though I'd cut Hasselbeck a little slack, but does anybody see a glaring omission? I mean, how do you NOT include anything about the Packers or Brett Favre? I'm a huge Packers fan, and I will say without question that pretty much everything about the Packers was something I did not like this weekend. Three points. Two interceptions. Four fumbles (losing one). 14 penalties for 100 yards. FOURTEEN penalties! Yikes.

And finally, under his non-NFL thoughts of the week (also a column staple), King writes, among other things, "Poor Dave Wannstedt." Which, literally, made me laugh out loud. What a stupid thing to say. Dave Wannstedt has failed miserably at every head coaching job he's ever held, and now he has managed to take a Pitt squad-- which has enough talent to have been a pre-season top-25 squad-- and lose to Notre Dame, at home, and Ohio (please note-- not Ohio State. Ohio University. A school with, roughly, 17,000 students.) on the road. Wannstedt is a lousy coach, something which has been demonstrated time and again. Yet, somehow, he continues to get high-profile, well-paying head coaching gigs. Why should we feel sorry for him is beyond me. Personally, I feel sorry for the students and alumni of Pitt.

And, finally, King picks Philadelphia to win tonight. Which means the smart money is on Atlanta.

Labels: Sports