Libertarian Librarian

Not the stupidist of all time-- I don't have the time or energy to check that much stuff. But both myself and Jennifer have noticed that there are an awful lot of really stupid advertisements out there these days. It strikes that maybe the inflation of the English language, where nearly EVERYTHING is dramatic, unparalleled and fantastic, has left the ad execs without a way of expressing how their particular product is dramatic, unparalleled and fantastic. It is no longer sufficient for a product to be new, or even improved. It must be new and improved with super ingredient Zigby to provide unparalleled protection and indisputable coverage.

And that's for toilet paper.

Anyway. Twenty-five recent ad campaigns that are bad, annoying, or just plain stupid:

17) The stupid Fed Ex commercials that use real NFL players to ridicule business people with a problem for using hackneyed sports cliches. The concept seems like it should be clever, and a subtle dig at the very expression inflation I site above-- but somehow they are just dumb.

16) Orbit gum ads where somebody does something stupid and gets dirty except for their shiny teeth. Then some sort of 1970's Scandanavian clonebot girl pops up and talks about how clean Orbit will get your teeth. Again, the ads have the potential to be clever... and they just aren't.

15) The Cialis commercials where the man and the woman are hanging out in bathtubs at what appears to be a scenic overlook on the Pacific Coast Highway. What this has to do with anything, much less an erectile dysfunction drug, is beyond me.

14) Totinos Pizza Rolls. Kids sneak down to have surreptitious pizza rolls while parents sleep, but the pizza rolls apparently give you tourette's syndrome as the kids start shouting uncontrollably about theirs "tastes like tacos!" The annoyance factor is high indeed.

13) Kay Jewelers. For their prostitution promoting ad campaing Every Kiss Begins With Kay. Got that guys-- no kisses without a little bling. Women, hold out for some jewelry before you give out any public displays of affection. Nice.

12) Nissan's stupid Shift advertising campaign. I know where I'd like to shove the stick shift-- but I don't think the idiots that dreamed up these ads would like it much.

11) Chrysler's Lee Iaccoco bits-- with the exception of the one with Snoop Dogg. The rest are really dumb.

10) The Clairol Herbal Essences commercials. While I appreciate the When Harry Met Sallyesque moaning, these ads are just dumb. Showering in the court room? Huh?

9) Every Old Navy ad. Ever.

8) The Snickers ads where hunters pelt a deer with Snickers. Admitedly, I was intrigued when I first saw the ad-- but once I realized what the point, such as it is, actually was, my basic reaction was: Well, that was pretty stupid.

7) Captial One ads. Though this may be at least partly due to the fact that I am dreadfully tired of getting their crap in the mail.

6) Skittles ads advocating I "taste the rainbow." Apparently, it is best to do this while be pelted with small pieces of candy. What fun.

5) Pretty much every cell phone ad out there-- except maybe the ones with Joan Cusak. Those are kinda clever.

4) The new Target ads that seem intent on bombarding us with as much loud music and eye jarring crap as possible in as short a time as can be achieved.

3) Every single "cross over" ad. Why in the hell would I want to listen to Geena Davis talk about her new show on Monday Night Football? Or hear all about the newest American Idol "news" while trying to watch the news on my local Fox affiliate?

2) The Old Spice ads that "celebrate" rednecks at NASCAR races. I'm fairly confident those aren't the ONLY people that go to NASCAR races, but even if they are, why in God's name would I want to see their armpits, and why would I care what they smell like?

1) Pepto Bismol ad where a bunch of fat guys do the "Nausea, Heartburn, Indigestion, Upset Stomach, Diarrhea" dance. Oh. My. God. The last part of the dance involves the people grabbing their butts and gyrating with a scrunched up face-- presumably trying not to crap their pants. Amazingly, the Pepto Bismal people thought this was SUCH a grand idea, that you can make up your own dance. No I'm not kidding (click on the dance machine link in the bottom left corner). God help us all.

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