A university is just a group of buildings gathered around a library. ~Shelby Foote

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Fantasy Football Update, Week Three

v. 11 #3

Standings

Pina Colada Division
1. Hairballs, 3-0, 162.2
2. Renaissance Men, 2-1, 169.5
3. Metal Mayhem, 2-1, 154.7
4. Stumbling Alcoholics, 2-1, 139.5
5. Diamond Boys, 1-2, 146.9
6. Motor City Cheeseheads, 1-2, 130.0
7. Knights Who Say Ni, 0-3, 138.0

Brandy Alexander Division
1. Dimestick Cowboys, 2-1, 159.6
2. Fearsome Canines, 2-1, 156.2
3. Centurions, 2-1, 155.5
4. Chocolate Foam, 2-1, 132.5
5. Snowmobilers, 1-2, 135.4
6. Barkeeps, 1-2, 99.8
7. Posts, 0-3, 134.9

If the playoffs were today…
1. Hairballs, 3-0, 162.2
2. Dimestick Cowboys, 2-1, 159.6
3. Renaissance Men, 2-1, 169.5
4. Fearsome Canines, 156.2
5. Centurions, 2-1, 155.5
6. Metal Mayhem, 154.7

On the outside looking in:
7. Stumbling Alcoholics, 2-1, 139.5
7. Diamond Boys, 146.9

If the Barrel Bowl were today…
11. Motor City Cheeseheads, 1-2, 130.0
12. Barkeeps, 1-2, 99.8
13. Knights Who Say Ni, 0-3, 138.0
14. Posts, 0-3, 134.9

On the edge of ignominity...
10. Snowmobilers, 1-2, 135.4


Stat of the Week I: During the draft, GM Frank of the Diamond Boys joked not once, not twice, but at least four times that GM Nick of the Hairballs had selected the third best Smith (Steve) early than two other, better, Smiths (Jimmy and Rod). After three weeks: Steve Smith, 34.2 (3rd best WR to date), Rod Smith, 25.3 (12th), and Jimmy Smith, 22.0 (20th). Given that all three are in the top 20, you can safely say that all three are very good. Granted it is very early, but to date, GM Frank’s claim that Steve is the least of the three Smiths doesn’t seem to carry much freight.

Stat of the Week II: C.J., Scott and Jim all started three guys that were outscored by players on their bench—so they got half of their team wrong—and all three teams won! John started three players that were outscored by players on the bench and lost. He is clearly not as good a coach as C.J., Scott and Jim.

Stat of the Week III: C.J. started three guys that were outscored by players on his bench and he still had the highest point total of the week. He would’ve scored 76.4 if he had started the right guys. In a pointed twist of sheer irony, one of the bench players that would’ve outscored the starter was Amani Toomer.

PICKUP ALERT: There are weekly pickups. Pickups are in inverse order of record with points as the tie-breaker for teams with the same record. You can enter your choices on the web site, or email/call them into me. Please do so before Wednesday, 9:00 PM Central Time.

TRADES: No trades, good or bad, this week.

Game Capsules

Hairballs Sole Undefeated Team After Monday Night Nailbiter
The weekend started with five undefeated teams, but as the dust settled on Denver’s blowout of Kansas City on Monday Night Football, only one team was left with an unblemished record. Trailing by 5.6 points going into Monday, the Hairballs had Jake Plummer going against Metal Mayhem’s Larry Johnson. And Plummer’s 8.5 was just barely enough for the Hairballs as the Broncos stuffed Larry Johnson in a sack and stomped on him, giving the spittle covered ones a hard fought 58.9 to 57.3 victory. Both teams played without their first round draft pick, but instead of the defensive struggle one might have expected, both teams put up big numbers from their receiving corps, and the Hairballs superior backfield was just enough to compensate for a breakout performance by Mayhem QB, Daunte Culpepper.

Dimestick Cowboys Continue Winning Ways Despite Disparagement
They’ve been ridiculed, they’ve been laughed at-- by this publication, by the other owners, heck by strangers on the street-- and now they are the ones laughing, as the Dimestick Cowboys moved into first place in the Brandy Alexander Division. This week, they racked up the week’s highest point total and edged the previously undefeated Centurions, 59.8 to 55.4. The Cowboys currently have the #2 seed and the third highest point total in the league-- this despite not having anybody who’s any good on their team. Okay, that’s an exaggeration-- that Cadillac kid is pretty good, and Shaun Alexander might not suck. And Hasselbeck is good. Courtney Anderson. Chris Chambers. Hey, hang on a second-- these guys are good! Well, okay, but can we still make fun of the fact that Amani Toomer was picked in the fourth round?

Bourgeoisie Stomped by Proletarian
There was reason to suspect that Coach Tony’s first victory would be long in coming. #1 pick Priest Holmes was underperforming, the second RB spot was a question mark despite the presence of 42 running backs on Tony’s squad, and the coach seemed to have a knack for starting the wrong wide receivers. But faced with condescension from the bourgeoisie “ruling class” Renaissance Men, the salt of the earth workers that are Bartenders everywhere rose up and won a stirring victory for the... errr... alcoholic beverage servers of the world! Viva le Revolution! The Bartenders used strong games from Terry Glenn and Thomas Jones and then relied on the Ren Mens tendency to slip into 16th century habits, namely, forgetting that the forward pass is allowed. Despite a ground game that generated 29.3 points between Brian Westbrook and Ahman Green, the Ren Men got only 11 yards from their wide receivers and tight end. The shortcoming was enough to allow the Barkeeps to secure their glorious victory over the oppressive overlords of the ruling class, 47.0 to 43.2.

Poodles Ride L.T. to Victory
Heading into Sunday night’s game, things didn’t look good for the Killer Franklin Poodles, as they trailed the Knights Who Say “We Give Up” 49.8 to 23.5. Fortunately for Coach Scotty’s well-coiffed pack of poodles, the Sunday night game featured #1 overall pick Ladanian Tomlinson and superstud tight end Antonio Gates. They combined for 32.5--23.3 and 9.2 respectively-- and the attack beagles went on to victory, 56.0 to 49.8. With the win the Killer Collies moved to 2-1 and are a mere 0.7 points behind the division leading Dimestick Cowboys. With the loss, the Knights Who Say “We’re not very good!” fell to 0-3 despite having more points than four teams with better win/loss records.

Foam Take Advantage of Stumbling Alcholics’ Bye
Coach Jim’s Foam caught a break as they got to play the druken ones with #1 running back Clinton Portis on his bye week. The loss of Portis proved disastrous for the previously undefeated Alcoholics, as they managed only 7.7 from their backfield in a close 41.1 to 44.3 loss. Give credit to the Foam, however, as they, too, were without their #1 running back, Domanick Davis, because of the bye week. Fill-in Foam RB Frank Gore responded with 4.7 points, substantially more than fill-in Stumbler RB Moe Williams, who gained a mere 6 yards. With the win, the Chocolate Foam moved to 2-1 despite having the third lowest point total in the league after three weeks. Which, of course, allows me to drag out that old “defense wins championships” cliche. I should add that I do think that if the Foam can continue to hold their opponents to an average of 35.1 for the rest of the season, they will be playoff bound.

Diamond Boys Win Despite Inability to Operate Computer
So, late on Sunday I get a call from Coach Frank of the Diamond Boys. Long story short, he apparently tried to sub in Reggie Wayne for Nate Burleson on Saturday, but the move didn’t take. Which is a bummer for him, as there really isn’t much I can do about that-- there is no way to track a transaction that didn’t occur. For some reason the computer doesn’t keep track of things that don’t happen. Go figure. At any rate, despite playing 5 on 6, the Diamond Boys still won fairly easily, 49.9 to 38.7, as the Snowmobilers managed only one double digit performance (Jake Delhomme, 14.2) and that fine Irish lad Donovan McNabb had a silly good game (19.0) for the sparkly ones. Here then is the lesson: Make sure to double check that any move you make has been accepted and updated by the web site. There is nothing I can do if you make a move and, for whatever reason, the computer does not complete it.

Well, Somebody had to win
In a match up of 0-2 teams, the odds are good that somebody will emerge from the game 1-2. They could have tied, true, but that was a pretty long long shot. At any rate, this week, the 0-2 Motor City Cheeseheads faced off against the 0-2 Posts and the Cheeseheads used a strong running game to prevail, 54.1 to 44.8. Willis McGahee lead the way with 14.0, while Reuben Droughns kicked in 10.8, Peyton Manning added 11.4 and tight end Jason Witten, 8.5, finally had a good game. The Posts could have had a strong running game if they had started Corey Dillon (8.4) and Mike Anderson (9.8), but instead they started Lamont Jordan (7.2) and Willie Parker (5.5). I guess that’s the downside to have four running backs. To date, the Posts are the hardluck team of the league, as their opponents are averaging a whopping 58.5 against them. Yikes. Maybe GM John should trade one of those four running backs to GM Jim for some of that defense of his.

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