About Me
- Name: Nick W.
- Location: Wisconsin, United States
Libertarian observations from within the Ivory Tower by an archivist, librarian and researcher.
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libertarian_librarian@hotmail.com
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A university is just a group of buildings gathered around a library. ~Shelby Foote
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Fantasy Football Update, Week 2
The Update
v. 11 #2
Standings
Pudge Division
1. Renaissance Men, 2-0, 126.3
2. Hairballs, 2-0, 103.3
3. Stumbling Alcoholics, 2-0, 98.4
4. Metal Mayhem, 2-0, 97.4
5. Diamond Boys, 0-2, 97.0
6. Knights Who Say Ni, 0-2, 88.2
7. Motor City Cheeseheads, 0-2, 75.9
Mudge Division
1. Centurions, 2-0, 100.1
2. Fearsome Canines, 1-1, 100.2
3. Dimestick Cowboys, 1-1, 99.8
4. Snowmobilers, 1-1, 96.7
5. Chocolate Foam, 1-1, 88.2
6. Posts, 0-2, 90.1
7. Barkeeps, 0-2, 52.8
If the playoffs were today…
1. Renaissance Men, 2-0, 126.3
2. Centurions, 2-0, 100.1
3. Hairballs, 2-0, 103.3
4. Stumbling Alcoholics, 2-0, 98.4
5. Metal Mayhem, 2-0, 97.4
6. Fearsome Canines, 100.2
On the outside looking in:
7. Fearsome Canines, 1-1, 100.2
7. Dimestick Cowboys, 99.8
If the Barrel Bowl were today…
11. Posts, 0-2, 90.1
12. Knights Who Say Ni, 0-2, 88.2
13. Motor City Cheeseheads, 0-2, 75.9
14. Barkeeps, 0-2, 52.8
On the edge of ignominity:
10. Diamond Boys, 0-2, 97.0
Stat of the Week I: During the draft, GM Frank of the Diamond Boys joked not once, not twice, but at least four times that GM Nick of the Hairballs had selected the third best Smith (Steve) earlier than two other, better, Smiths (Jimmy and Rod). After two weeks: Steve Smith, 17.2, Jimmy Smith, 17.9 and Rod Smith, 17.3. (Yes, this will be a running item)
Stat of the Week II: The top two wide receivers in the league are named Moss. Randy: 25.7, Santana: 25.5. My Moss is clearly better—and that two yards is well worth the 2nd round pick I spent on him compared to the 9th rounder Russ spent on Santana.
Stat of the Week III: Things that make you go Hmmm…. The #2 QB after two weeks? Trent Dilfer. The #1 RB after two weeks? Willie Parker. #2 WR is Santana Moss, and #4 is Larry Fitzgerald. #2 TE? Steve Heiden (but I’m not sure this really counts—he doesn’t get to play the Packers again).
PICKUP ALERT: There will be weekly pickups starting THIS WEEK. Pickups are in inverse order of record with points as the tie-breaker for teams with the same record. You can enter your choices on the web site, or email/call them into me. Please do so before Wednesday, 9:00 PM Central Time.
TRADES: There were two bad trades this past week. I know this because I made one of them and because the other involved Rod. I traded Donald Driver and Ladell Betts to Troy for Chester Taylor and Reggie Brown. Given the struggles of Jamal Lewis (maybe he isn’t even 90% healed yet), it is my feeling that Taylor may wind up being the guy, and if so I need him. Driver was expendable, and I’m not sure he doesn’t get shut down a lot now that he’s the #1 guy. But I have to admit that, right now, the trade definitely helped Troy more than me.
As to the other trade… well, Tony traded Michael Bennett to Rod for David Patten. Why? Beats me. Tony does need WR help, but I’m not sure how the #2/3 guy in Washington fits the bill. Bennett may not be more than a 4-8 point back this year (though there is still the potential for him to be a 10-12 point back), but even that is worth more than Patten. Heck, I might have traded Driver for Bennett. At any rate, there it is.
Game Capsules
Renaissance Men Back Up Big Talk
They billed themselves as the “ruling class”. They belittled the Diamond Boys as just ambitious hunks of coal. They ridiculed their opponent this week as well. Then the old rusty dudes went out and racked up a whopping 73.4 as four starters hit double figures and Ahman Green (9.9) just missed. The Snowmobilers had no chance, as only Steven Jackson hit double figures for Coach Dave’s crew in their 45.9 effort. With the win and monster point output, the progressive thinkers from the 16th century stand atop the Pudge Division and have staked an early claim to being the best team in the league. The Snowmobilers, meanwhile, are left to spin their treads in the mud and dust of late September as they eagerly await the arrival of the harsh Wisconsin winter.
Centurions Uphold “Old Rusty Dude” Honor
Despite the turmoil of a threatened lawsuit, the Centurions were able to focus on the field and put up a solid 51.6 point effort against the Diamond Boys (46.5). The 1st Century old rusty dudes win leaves them atop the Mudge Division and, were the playoffs to start today, left the #1 and #2 seeds in the hands of old rusty dudes. Coach Adam dismissed worries over an ACLU lawsuit that claims that the slightly daffy looking Centurion that graces his teams’ helmets is degrading to old rusty dudes everywhere. “It’s preposterous,” said Coach Adam after the game. “Is our mascot any sillier than the Knights Who Say Ni’s? Absolutely not. Big honkin’ coffee can with some deer horns on it. Please. This is just jealousy over the deep pockets of the Roman coffers.”
Hairballs Win Despite Sucking
“It was ugly,” said Coach Nick after his Hairballs hung on for a 38.2 to 29.4 victory over the Motor City Cheeseheads, “but really, what do you expect from expectorated globs of furr?” The game “featured” only two double digit performances, one by Hairball Randy Moss and one by Hairball Jake Plummer, and a hole lot of suckitude. In total, seven of the two teams’ twelve starters failed to break 5 points. Coach Bill, et al, praised his squad’s effort despite the loss, “Hey, we had several bench players step up and post big numbers that made no difference at all. Just imagine if we actually made use of those guys. Heck, we’d be mediocre!” Way to stay positive! The ugly win left the Hairballs tied for the top of the Pudge Division, while the Cheeseheads will face off with fellow 0-2 squad the Posts next week in a battle of inepitude.
v. 11 #2
Standings
Pudge Division
1. Renaissance Men, 2-0, 126.3
2. Hairballs, 2-0, 103.3
3. Stumbling Alcoholics, 2-0, 98.4
4. Metal Mayhem, 2-0, 97.4
5. Diamond Boys, 0-2, 97.0
6. Knights Who Say Ni, 0-2, 88.2
7. Motor City Cheeseheads, 0-2, 75.9
Mudge Division
1. Centurions, 2-0, 100.1
2. Fearsome Canines, 1-1, 100.2
3. Dimestick Cowboys, 1-1, 99.8
4. Snowmobilers, 1-1, 96.7
5. Chocolate Foam, 1-1, 88.2
6. Posts, 0-2, 90.1
7. Barkeeps, 0-2, 52.8
If the playoffs were today…
1. Renaissance Men, 2-0, 126.3
2. Centurions, 2-0, 100.1
3. Hairballs, 2-0, 103.3
4. Stumbling Alcoholics, 2-0, 98.4
5. Metal Mayhem, 2-0, 97.4
6. Fearsome Canines, 100.2
On the outside looking in:
7. Fearsome Canines, 1-1, 100.2
7. Dimestick Cowboys, 99.8
If the Barrel Bowl were today…
11. Posts, 0-2, 90.1
12. Knights Who Say Ni, 0-2, 88.2
13. Motor City Cheeseheads, 0-2, 75.9
14. Barkeeps, 0-2, 52.8
On the edge of ignominity:
10. Diamond Boys, 0-2, 97.0
Stat of the Week I: During the draft, GM Frank of the Diamond Boys joked not once, not twice, but at least four times that GM Nick of the Hairballs had selected the third best Smith (Steve) earlier than two other, better, Smiths (Jimmy and Rod). After two weeks: Steve Smith, 17.2, Jimmy Smith, 17.9 and Rod Smith, 17.3. (Yes, this will be a running item)
Stat of the Week II: The top two wide receivers in the league are named Moss. Randy: 25.7, Santana: 25.5. My Moss is clearly better—and that two yards is well worth the 2nd round pick I spent on him compared to the 9th rounder Russ spent on Santana.
Stat of the Week III: Things that make you go Hmmm…. The #2 QB after two weeks? Trent Dilfer. The #1 RB after two weeks? Willie Parker. #2 WR is Santana Moss, and #4 is Larry Fitzgerald. #2 TE? Steve Heiden (but I’m not sure this really counts—he doesn’t get to play the Packers again).
PICKUP ALERT: There will be weekly pickups starting THIS WEEK. Pickups are in inverse order of record with points as the tie-breaker for teams with the same record. You can enter your choices on the web site, or email/call them into me. Please do so before Wednesday, 9:00 PM Central Time.
TRADES: There were two bad trades this past week. I know this because I made one of them and because the other involved Rod. I traded Donald Driver and Ladell Betts to Troy for Chester Taylor and Reggie Brown. Given the struggles of Jamal Lewis (maybe he isn’t even 90% healed yet), it is my feeling that Taylor may wind up being the guy, and if so I need him. Driver was expendable, and I’m not sure he doesn’t get shut down a lot now that he’s the #1 guy. But I have to admit that, right now, the trade definitely helped Troy more than me.
As to the other trade… well, Tony traded Michael Bennett to Rod for David Patten. Why? Beats me. Tony does need WR help, but I’m not sure how the #2/3 guy in Washington fits the bill. Bennett may not be more than a 4-8 point back this year (though there is still the potential for him to be a 10-12 point back), but even that is worth more than Patten. Heck, I might have traded Driver for Bennett. At any rate, there it is.
They billed themselves as the “ruling class”. They belittled the Diamond Boys as just ambitious hunks of coal. They ridiculed their opponent this week as well. Then the old rusty dudes went out and racked up a whopping 73.4 as four starters hit double figures and Ahman Green (9.9) just missed. The Snowmobilers had no chance, as only Steven Jackson hit double figures for Coach Dave’s crew in their 45.9 effort. With the win and monster point output, the progressive thinkers from the 16th century stand atop the Pudge Division and have staked an early claim to being the best team in the league. The Snowmobilers, meanwhile, are left to spin their treads in the mud and dust of late September as they eagerly await the arrival of the harsh Wisconsin winter.
Centurions Uphold “Old Rusty Dude” Honor
Despite the turmoil of a threatened lawsuit, the Centurions were able to focus on the field and put up a solid 51.6 point effort against the Diamond Boys (46.5). The 1st Century old rusty dudes win leaves them atop the Mudge Division and, were the playoffs to start today, left the #1 and #2 seeds in the hands of old rusty dudes. Coach Adam dismissed worries over an ACLU lawsuit that claims that the slightly daffy looking Centurion that graces his teams’ helmets is degrading to old rusty dudes everywhere. “It’s preposterous,” said Coach Adam after the game. “Is our mascot any sillier than the Knights Who Say Ni’s? Absolutely not. Big honkin’ coffee can with some deer horns on it. Please. This is just jealousy over the deep pockets of the Roman coffers.”
Hairballs Win Despite Sucking
“It was ugly,” said Coach Nick after his Hairballs hung on for a 38.2 to 29.4 victory over the Motor City Cheeseheads, “but really, what do you expect from expectorated globs of furr?” The game “featured” only two double digit performances, one by Hairball Randy Moss and one by Hairball Jake Plummer, and a hole lot of suckitude. In total, seven of the two teams’ twelve starters failed to break 5 points. Coach Bill, et al, praised his squad’s effort despite the loss, “Hey, we had several bench players step up and post big numbers that made no difference at all. Just imagine if we actually made use of those guys. Heck, we’d be mediocre!” Way to stay positive! The ugly win left the Hairballs tied for the top of the Pudge Division, while the Cheeseheads will face off with fellow 0-2 squad the Posts next week in a battle of inepitude.
Alcoholics Stick to Mantra in Victory
“Before the game, we came up with a simple mantra we wanted to follow,” said Coach Troy in a slightly slurred voice. “Slow and steady means you won’t fall down as much. That was it. I figured if we stuck to that, it would greatly increase our chances, since falling down a lot is inversely correlated with victory under normal circumstances.” Well, at least, that’s the best interpretation the Update could come up with, since the actual quote went roughly like this, “sunch fallink dow lot ish vershly latted with vicory undue ortal shmirc… eanshes.” Regardlesh…err… less, the game plan worked, as a superb game by Brett Favre (19.0) and solid games from the rest of the squad lead to a 56.4 to 48.2 victory over the Posts, who fell to 0-2.
Rookies Role Over Kanniggits to move to 2-0
Apparently the “Silly English Kaaaaniggits” schtick has lost its magic as the Knights Who Say Ni fell to 0-2, losing to the Metal Mayhem 45.2 to 51.8. The victory leaves rookie Coach Steve and his long-haired metal freaks at 2-0 and in the middle of the scrum that is the battle for the Pudge Division lead. After the game, Coach Rod blamed his team's inability to score on the blinding headaches most of them suffered upon listening to “that howling devil music all the young people seem to be listening to these days.” Asked why star Kanniggit wide receiver Terrell Owens managed to put up a big game (14.3) in spite of the Mayhem’s jangling power chords, Rod replied, “Well, that’s just Terrell. He doesn’t listen to anything or anybody.”
Canines Nip Dimestick Cowboys for First Win
Nip… get it? Hah. Now that’s good writing. Despite a second straight sub-par performance from Ladainian Tomlinson (5.2), the Fearsome Canines used a strong air game to edge the Cowboys, 56.9 to 55.8. Kurt Warner (16.3) lead the way for the pups, while receivers Chad Johnson (13.9), Larry Fitzgerald (9.5) and Antonio Gates (8.0) compensated for L.T. and Ronnie Brown. Irony alert: Repeatedly ripped by this publication in light of his inexplicable choice of Amani Toomer in the 4th round, Coach C.J. of the Cowboys benched Mr. Toomer for Andre Johnson. Toomer outscored Johnson by 1.1 points this week—the exact margin of victory for Coach Scotty’s Canines over the Cowboys. That much irony is gonna leave a mark.
Foam Wins Over Already Death Spiraling Barkeeps
Usually, it takes at least five or six weeks before the Update can confidently predict the advent of a death spiral. But the Barkeeps have redefined the time honored sports tradition of crashing and burning. They scored 20, yes 20, out of a possible 56.9 in losing to the Chocolate Foam’s 44.9. And all six players in the Barkeeps' starting line-up played an entire game. Actually, 56.9 would be a very respectable score (more, it must be noted, than the Barkeeps have managed to accumulate in two weeks of scoring), so maybe Coach Tony just needs to start the right guys. So, maybe it’s not too late, Tony! Pull up! Pull up!
“Before the game, we came up with a simple mantra we wanted to follow,” said Coach Troy in a slightly slurred voice. “Slow and steady means you won’t fall down as much. That was it. I figured if we stuck to that, it would greatly increase our chances, since falling down a lot is inversely correlated with victory under normal circumstances.” Well, at least, that’s the best interpretation the Update could come up with, since the actual quote went roughly like this, “sunch fallink dow lot ish vershly latted with vicory undue ortal shmirc… eanshes.” Regardlesh…err… less, the game plan worked, as a superb game by Brett Favre (19.0) and solid games from the rest of the squad lead to a 56.4 to 48.2 victory over the Posts, who fell to 0-2.
Rookies Role Over Kanniggits to move to 2-0
Apparently the “Silly English Kaaaaniggits” schtick has lost its magic as the Knights Who Say Ni fell to 0-2, losing to the Metal Mayhem 45.2 to 51.8. The victory leaves rookie Coach Steve and his long-haired metal freaks at 2-0 and in the middle of the scrum that is the battle for the Pudge Division lead. After the game, Coach Rod blamed his team's inability to score on the blinding headaches most of them suffered upon listening to “that howling devil music all the young people seem to be listening to these days.” Asked why star Kanniggit wide receiver Terrell Owens managed to put up a big game (14.3) in spite of the Mayhem’s jangling power chords, Rod replied, “Well, that’s just Terrell. He doesn’t listen to anything or anybody.”
Canines Nip Dimestick Cowboys for First Win
Nip… get it? Hah. Now that’s good writing. Despite a second straight sub-par performance from Ladainian Tomlinson (5.2), the Fearsome Canines used a strong air game to edge the Cowboys, 56.9 to 55.8. Kurt Warner (16.3) lead the way for the pups, while receivers Chad Johnson (13.9), Larry Fitzgerald (9.5) and Antonio Gates (8.0) compensated for L.T. and Ronnie Brown. Irony alert: Repeatedly ripped by this publication in light of his inexplicable choice of Amani Toomer in the 4th round, Coach C.J. of the Cowboys benched Mr. Toomer for Andre Johnson. Toomer outscored Johnson by 1.1 points this week—the exact margin of victory for Coach Scotty’s Canines over the Cowboys. That much irony is gonna leave a mark.
Foam Wins Over Already Death Spiraling Barkeeps
Usually, it takes at least five or six weeks before the Update can confidently predict the advent of a death spiral. But the Barkeeps have redefined the time honored sports tradition of crashing and burning. They scored 20, yes 20, out of a possible 56.9 in losing to the Chocolate Foam’s 44.9. And all six players in the Barkeeps' starting line-up played an entire game. Actually, 56.9 would be a very respectable score (more, it must be noted, than the Barkeeps have managed to accumulate in two weeks of scoring), so maybe Coach Tony just needs to start the right guys. So, maybe it’s not too late, Tony! Pull up! Pull up!
Labels: Sports
