Libertarian Librarian

The book Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation, by Lynne Truss is a fine, fine little read. The title refers to a poorly punctuated wildlife manual that implies that the Panda is a dangerous dinner companion, as it is likely to shoot you and then leave after completing its meal. Truss' book argues that today's soceity treats punctuation indifferently at best and to its detriment.

In that spirit, I offer the following passages from recent online reporting on sporting events. It's enough to make one wonder if you actually have to know how to write to be a reporter these days. My commentary is in green.

• Milwaukee failed to reach .500 for the first time since May 28 (24-24), and missed an opportunity to be at the break-even mark this late in a season for the first time since 1998.
  Wow. This sentence basically says exactly the opposite of what the writer meant. He meant to say that Milwaukee had a chance to reach .500, a position they haven't been in since May 28, and instead said that yesterday was the first time they haven't been at .500 since that date. He also said this is the first time Milwaukee hasn't been at the break even point this late since 1998. Again, the exact opposite of what he meant. Nice work.
• Jenkins led off with his 13th homer off Brandon Webb (8-8), then Russell Branyan singled and Damian Miller doubled to chase Arizona's starter.
  Again, wow! 13 homers off of Brandon Webb! If only he could hit against that guy every day.
• Michaels has been the play-by-play man on Monday Night Football since 1986, the last three with Madden as analyst.
  The last three WHAT with Madden as analyst?
• And you certainly can't forget it, especially now that the former bride himself -- Ricky Williams -- is scheduled to soon end his one-year estrangement from the league and the life that he so happily ditched.
  Wow, Ricky is scheduled to end his life? Huh. And he seemed so committed to returning to the NFL. Wonder how he's going to end it.
• The same friend says Williams possesses a love for the game, but no love for the business of the game. Nor is he in a hurry to become the post-NFL version of Earl Campbell, who like Williams, is a former Texas running back who won a Heisman Trophy, led the pros in rushing and now inhabits a body so battered and scarred that he struggles to walk.
  Maybe Ricky is scheduled to end his life because his body is so battered and scarred? If nothing else, I have to believe that his return to football will be hampered if he is struggling to walk.

There are more, oh so many more, but those five were easy to find. Feel free to pass along any other examples of rich, nugety incorrect prose. As much as I bemoan the snarkiness of today's world, really bad grammar is always worth ridiculing.

Labels: E-S-L, Sports