A university is just a group of buildings gathered around a library. ~Shelby Foote

Friday, May 13, 2005

Accept No Substitutes!

If you are a professional athlete trying to dupe the doping board or just an oridnary, average schmuck trying to enjoy some weed without losing your job, then you absolutely must go with The Original Whizzinator. Don't be fooled by lookalike dried urine products-- buy with confidence when you order from the original, and still the best, urinating device with a very realistic prosthetic penis. Yes, folks, you simply can't beat The Original Whizzinator when you need to "let it flow, again and again, anytime, anywhere you need to."

Prices are reasonable, and with additional dried urine packs available for as little as $10 a pop, you can afford to take your dried urine with you just about anywhere, anytime. Just ask profesisonal football player and satisfied customer Onterrio Smith! Or look at this actual testimonial from the product's website [naughty bits edited ever so slightly]:
Wow! You guys are pathetic. So many testimonials to use drugs (and by far the most spelling and grammatical errors I have ever seen; seems like the drugs affect your ability to write English as well). If you morons spent half your energy trying to stay clean from mind-numbing substances that you do trying to pass a piss test, you'd all be f***ing geniuses with your own island somewhere growing weed and staying the hell away from me. One testimonial was right on. I'm a probation officer and I don't give a flying f*** if you smoke your shriveled brains into oblivion. My concern is all the other people you carelessly hurt in the process of your self-centered pursuit of feeding your need to be numb. Please take your fake dicks and go f*** yourselves and stop taking everyone else down with you into your sewer. Believe me, I'd like nothing more than to leave you stupid f***s alone but it seems when I or my neighbor is affected by your inability to care about anyone but yourselves,!
I feel compelled to protect myself. Talk about freedom; I would like to be free of a society of sh**heads who make drug use more important than taking care of themselves or their families. So many of you said "Now I can keep my job." What?!? If you weren't so toxic you'd figure out that it's fairly easy to get and keep a job. JUST STOP F***IN' IT UP DUMMY!

Not a chance, WA
My goodness with support like that and the chance to have the airport police mistake your dried urine for cocaine, why wouldn't you want to spend a couple hundred bucks on The Orininal Whizzinator? So, don't be fooled by wannabes-- insist on The Original Whizzinator!

I do have one question though-- the newspaper report says the dried urine packs tested negative for cocaine and opiates. On TV, the cops always check the white powdery substance by placing a little bit on their tongues... you don't think that's what they did with Smith's stuff do you... nah, probably something more scientific... right?

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Comments:
i think the genius of the product is in the available color choices...white, tan(in case it is summer??), black, brown, and LATINO (because this is a color now??..and is different from brown how??)..... the only problem i have is what are our asian frineds suppossed to do?? ...i would hate to think of my opium smoking pals facing a drug test and not have this chance at beating the system...in fact given the extreme liberal slant to the courts nowadays i expect to see "john lee" suing the wizzenotor folks because he got fired for a positive drug test and was discriminated against because there is not an ASIAN color
 
Gym, there is a reason that there is no Asian version of the Whizzinator. Have you seen a Viking of Asian decent? Heck, have you seen any athletes of Asian decent? Wait, Ichiro and that tall guy from the Yankees. Oh wait, they're baseball players so they don't even have to bother.
(No offense to Asians was intended. However, offense to baseball fans was intended.)
 
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